Wha?

Sorry to keep you all in suspense but, as these things go, T had to be the first to know, you know?

 

FRED showed a light second line.  I have never seen a second line before so I wasn't quite sure what to make of it.  Sure the old adage was running through my head,  "A line is a line, no matter how light, etc." However, when you are facing that light line on the left you of course wonder to yourself whether it is actually real or not. 

 

I did some quick calculations in my now completely numb brain.  It was past the 14 days they said to wait for the trigger shot to get out of my system.  It was CD29, it should be real. 

 

I told myself not to get excited.  One part of me was jumping up and down and screaming "I'm pregnant! Holy Shit!" while the other part of me was rationally saying, "All this means is that there is enough hcg in my system to trigger a faint positive on a hpt.  Don't go overboard here."

 

I called and requested a beta.  I went to the lab, stomach full of butterflies.  The lab order was not there.  They hadn't gotten the fax from the RE's office yet.  They took my blood anyway, wished me luck and I headed back to work.  They said I should get a call by 5pm letting me know the results.

 

I waited (not so) patiently until 4pm and finally called.  I nicely asserted my NEED TO KNOW!!!!!  I ended up leaving a voice mail for one of the nurses to PLEASE (pretty please with a cherry on top) call me back with my beta results.

 

About 15 minutes later I got the call.  She took a deep breath and then paused.  It may have only been a nano-second but it was long enough for me to think "Oh God, it is negative!" and she said, "It's positive.  Congratulations!"  I made some sort of noise which I can only describe as a combination of a whimper, a sigh of relief, and a non-verbal 'What the fuck?' all in one. (I took the call at my desk in the middle of my office surrounded by co-workers to whom I must keep this secret until at least Thanksgiving if not Christmas.)

 

I am going back Friday morning for a repeat beta. (First was 279, come on baby, double!) I will also schedule a u/s in two weeks.  (Holy Shit! This one will actually be covered by insurance!)

 

So all day my head was spinning. I was looking around at the people in my office thinking about how the world is completely different and they don't even know it!  I was (and still am) completely dumbstruck that the insemination actually worked.  I never thought that I would see two lines.  I mean, I NEVER thought that I would be pregnant.  It has not sunk in yet. 

 

I am questioning and yet enjoying every painful twinge and cramp from my nether regions.  I know this is where the cautious optimism is supposed to be applied.  I know that, really, things could go wrong at any minute now and for the next two to four months given my Endo and Thyroid issues.  Miscarriage is a big concern for me. HUGE! 

 

But...

 

T was very put out by my pessimism in the getting pregnant stage and has asked me to not be such a party pooper now that we have had some good news.  I am very aware.  Please don't think that I am taking anything for granted.  But this might be my only chance to experience this type of joy so even if it makes things more difficult later, I am going to embrace this pregnancy with everything that I have for as long as I have it. 

 

Thank you all for your good wishes and your support.  I am so glad I started blogging.  It is a unique support system that I rely on every day.

 

So, happy for now.  HFN which is my first timer's way of saying NBHHY.

*Fingers Crossed*