In which I blog about work...sort of

Have you ever thought about who might replace you at your job if you were to take a leave of absence? Think about it, really think about all the little things that you do on a daily basis that seem small but they all add up to your job. They are things you might not even think about as your job description but they are what you do. How do you go about writing a description for the position available for that short period of time? In my case, I have 8-1/2 years of experience behind me. I need to be able to fully train someone to replace me in a two-week period. This person will fulfill my duties for the time I am gone on maternity leave and then will again be out of a job. How do I find someone qualified enough to do this responsibly and yet who does not want a long-term commitment? This is sort of a tall order, no?

 

Now, it is not as if the person needs a degree to do my job. I swear I am losing brain cells on a daily basis. However, I do like my job. I love the people I work with and it is a steady secure paycheck. (And they LOVE me!)

 

The big thing is the attention to detail. This is not so easy to pin down in someone in an interview. My job consists of looking at a piece of paper whether it be a purchase order or an invoice or some sort of shipping document and I have to make whatever the paper says match what the computer says. I do this by either changing the paper or the computer but in the end, they must match. See? Not exactly rocket science. There is investigative work involved in finding out which needs to be changed, the paper or the computer, and this can take some time involving phone calls, looking up files, asking co-workers, etc. The thing is, the computer and the paper usually ALMOST match. This is where the attention to detail comes in. I have to catch those subtle differences. My replacement has to be able to catch them as well. I have been looking for those little things for years, they stand out to me. Someone with two weeks worth of training will not have that experience behind them.

 

A big part of saving my job is finding a suitable replacement for me at work. This has been a major issue for me from the very beginning when we started talking about having kids. What was I going to do about work? Now that I am in the situation, it sucks just as bad as I thought it would. The last three receptionists we have hired have all been prospective replacements for me. If they had proven themselves capable then we would train them to do my work in my absence and we could get a warm body to answer the phones during that time. Alas, it seems that knowing the alphabet and the proper order of the numbers is a bit of a challenge these days.  None of them has shown the capacity to do what I do. Is this really so hard? Maybe we DO need to find someone with a degree like my own. The problem is, they were hesitant to hire me in the first place because of my advanced education. They thought that I would get bored and leave in search of my dream job. 

 

Any highly capable people out there with computer experience, 10-key proficiency, detail oriented anal-retentive personalities want a full-time job for only three months?

U/S Pictures

We are still debating names. Based on what we have seen, she will look like either an alien from the X-Files or the Grinch. What do you think?



Alien

or


Grinch?

"Baby Girl Trunks"

I never imagined choosing a name for my child would be so difficult. Important yes, a chance to stretch my creative thinking and of course powers of cooperation with my spouse, of course. Difficult? Never in a million years did I think it would be difficult.

I have had a “short list” in my day planner for the past 10 years or so. It changes, names are added and others drop off. For the most part, I want a Celtic/Gaelic/Irish name to go with Elephant (Irish) middle name and Trunks (English) last name. Remember when I said that Elephant and Trunks sound very similar to the point where we do not want a rhyming sort of name to emerge? This makes things more difficult.

Another factor that has always been there for me is that I have always thought the name would start with a specific letter of the alphabet. The same letter as my own name. For arguments sake we will say that is the letter B since here I am known as Blue. Every time I have looked at books of names or lists of names or thought about names for my girl child (the letter thing never was an issue for a boy, only a girl for some reason) I just skipped right to that letter of the alphabet. I never bothered with the other 25 letters. I would not need them.

I might need them now.

I hesitantly started a conversation with T at dinner Saturday night (we went out for Italian to celebrate my 31 years on this planet). I asked him if he had given any thought to what we might want to call this little girl. He said he had so far thought of only one name. A name that immediately brought about “bitchy” connotations for me. I have thought about it over and over since and am willing to admit that the name does not a bitch make since I do know others with this name who are non-bitchy (some in our very own blogosphere) but I am just not in love with the name. Plus, it is quite often shortened to a name I DO NOT want for my daughter.

I told him the name that has been going over and over in my head ever since we found out Light Blue was a girl. It has been on the “short list” for years, not for the name itself but because it is shortened to a name I LOVE. It just worked for me so well. I was a bit surprised myself when this name in particular came to the front above all the others on the list since it had never been my FAVORITE but always one that I liked. I thought it was telling me something. My little girl wanted this name! I started thinking of her with that name and even came up with a cute little nickname from it. So what happened? Well, just like the name T suggested held “bitchy” connotations for me, the name I suggested held “fat” connotations for him. He believes that by giving her this name we will predispose her to an obese life. (Note: I do not think he even knows anyone with this name and have NO idea where he has gotten this idea.)

I went through every other name on my list, variations, different spellings, nicknames, etc. He did not like any of them. There were two that he “didn’t hate”.

I got out the baby name book that my SIL lent to me when she found out we were expecting. I never thought I would need it since I had so many on my list that T was bound to like one of them. I went through every letter of the alphabet except B since T has also decided that B is off limits (“What are you trying to fulfill within yourself?”), as is naming her after someone we know. I suggested naming her after his own grandmother with whom he had a most special relationship. They shared a birthday, we live in her house, they had some sort of bond that I cannot put into words. His reaction? “Why, are we having an 80 year old shrinking English woman?”

*sigh*

I have loved the suggestions here. They have all brought smiles to my face. Honestly, Azure has been considered carefully. (Not so sure about Indogo though Christine. ;-) ) I would still like to stick to the Celtic/Gaelic/Irish if I can. Maybe I just have to get T in a good mood and try some of them again. So far I have a list of 3 or 4 names that are “on the table” for discussion which means neither of us immediately rejected it.

She might just end up as Baby Bleau.

U/S Update

I had a whole post typed up and ready to send and then my browser crashed and I lost it!  So here is the new and improved version.

 

Half way through this pregnancy.  I cannot believe it.  We had the big anatomy ultrasound yesterday.

 

The baby was squirming and flipping around so much that the tech had a real time of it trying to get all of her measurements.  I had eaten a couple cookies while I drank my 32oz. of water so that I would have something a little more solid in my stomach.  I guess Light Blue was feeling the sugar. 

 

We are measuring about a week ahead of schedule so she wrote down May 31 as a due date.  She kept asking if we were sure about the conception date and I kept telling her it was a highly documented and regulated insemination, there really were no mistakes there. *shrug*

 

At this point it is looking like T will get his Daddy's Girl.  He is envisioning a mini-me with the blonde hair and blue eyes.  I suppose we'll find out.  He is rarely wrong.  He had been saying right from the start it would be a girl so yesterday's "discovery" was more of a validation for him rather than the big revealing of a secret.

 

To celebrate we enjoyed a night at home just relaxing.  I was going to make dinner but then I noticed a tight feeling in my feet and ankles.  I was barefoot so it couldn't be my shoes (yes, I just admitted to being barefoot and pregnant, stop laughing).  I looked down and saw that my ankles had swelled up to more than double their normal size.  I therefore banished myself to the couch for the rest of the evening and T made me dinner.  Not a bad deal actually as he is a better cook than I am. :0)

 

Kudos to S for correctly identifying yesterday's quote from The Cider House Rules.  If you haven't read it yet GO READ IT!!!!  Don't watch the movie, READ THE BOOK.  There is so much humor and heart in it that the movie left out.  It is one of my favorites. And I was wrong about the anterior placenta.  I guess I just cannot feel her.  It is not a matter of her not moving because holy cow she was jacked up on that sugar.  I hope those legs settle down a bit before I have to change messy diapers. 

 

I was so psyched about having a little girl that I forgot to count how long I peed.  It really didn't matter to me anymore.

 

So, it shall be sugar and spice and everything nice!  Or, as T pointed out, she could turn out to be a total bitch.  I thought of myself and figured she'll probably be a little of both. :0)

 

Now we have to NAME her!!!!

Coin Toss Anyone?

I am not talking about the hilarious events of the cointoss that Threebees and her hubby endured trying to decide whether or not to find out the gender.  I am saying, what do you think Light Blue will be?  I shall take any and all predictions and let you know the results when we find out.

 

As for me, a toss of the coin is as good a guess as I am going to get.  People keep asking me what I think it is, like I am supposed to have this deep psychic connection with the child already.  I should KNOW, I am its MOTHER!  However, I do not.  So, my prediction for this afternoon's ultrasound is as follows.

 

1) A girl (going against my dreams on this one.)

2) Anterior Placenta (to explain why "I ain't quick yet! I ain't quick!")*

3) A stream of urine lasting exactly 56 seconds immediately following the OK TO PEE from the u/s tech. (Do you all do this?  Count how long you pee? I am just saying, I can hold a LOT of pee, but it HURTS!)

 

So, give me your predictions and we will see who is right.

 

* Gold Star +++++ if you can name the book with that quote.

Infertile? Not Exactly.

I have written before about feeling infertile since I was first diagnosed with Endometriosis at the age of 18.  Now that I am pregnant I feel like I have to justify my condition.  I tell people straight away that it wasn't easy and it took time and money and I was on fertility drugs for a year and it took more than one insemination.  This is usually met with "Oh! I know so-and-so who did this-and-such to have their baby!" which is supposed to show they know what we went through.

I want people to know this was a hard won fight and we appreciate it very much.  I want people to know that I put my time in.  Yes, it was "only" a year but you have to realize that I started out knowing we had issues (in triplicate apparently).  We didn't try for a year and then decide we should probably get tested.  Our very first cycle of TTC was on Clomid.  We had been off birth control for almost two years already with nothing to show for it, but I don't really count that time as "trying" since T was NOT into the TTC game and pulled out 90% of the time (not reliable birth control I know, but I guess it worked for us).  The point I am trying to make is that we hit the ground running and were extremely proactive in our TTC efforts right from the beginning.  We asked for tests and drugs and specialists much sooner than your average couple who just decides one day it was time to increase the size of their family.  I do not want this conception taken for ganted.

That being said, I want to touch on the whole Pregnant/IF identity thing.  I think I might just adopt the title of Fertility-Challenged.  I do produce eggs.  I do ovulate, just not well enough on my own.  My tubes are not blocked and my lining (with a little help from from B6) is good now.  T has sufficient numbers.  We apparently cannot conceive on our own but the help of the IUI seemed to do the trick just fine.  Thinking of fertility in terms of a disability I see this as someone who is perfectly normal in most respects but needs the help of crutches to walk.  Their legs move on their own but they need that extra something to perform their job properly.  The IUI was our crutch.  The Metformin, Femara and trigger probably helped.  I won't question that, but I think it was the whole avoiding the Vagina-of-Doom thing that got us where we are today.  We needed that crutch.  This does not make us unable, just less able. 

So, I renounce all claims on the term infertility since that is a word that I really respect and I do not want to cheapen it in any way.  Infertiles of the world I salute you.  Sub-fertiles, or those of us who are Fertility Challenged have our place in society somewhere in between the Fertiles and the IF community.  Frankly, I like the company much better in the IF world, so if you don't mind, I'll hang out a bit longer. 

I promise not to rub my belly.

Where my brain just all spills out in blog form.

So I am 20 weeks along today.  I am showing and wearing maternity clothes with just a smidgeon of irritation at having to hitch up the pants on occassion.  I have been getting compliments like crazy so apparently the baggy clothes worn previously because they were all I owned that "fit" were not doing much for me.

 

I was told last night at my knitting group that I "show" less than the woman's coworker who is only 10 weeks along.  I asked if there were any fertility treatments involved in the coworker's pregnancy and the woman agreed that there was.  I remember my first 6 weeks feeling SO bloated and constipated that I thought I might just pop at any minute.  Ugh!  I feel SO much better off the Prometrium.  *singing and dancing around the cubicles in the office*  I wish the coworker well.

 

My last appointment was our first to check fundal height.  Dr. WaitnSee pulled out her trusty tape measure and lined it up between pubic bone and belly button and then frowned.  She wiggled and pushed and prodded around the upper portion of my belly complaining that I was making her work for this one. Then she said I was measuring large.  I should have been measuring around 19cm to correlate to the number of weeks along.  I measured in at 23cm.  She wrote down "Measuring Large" on the orders for my ultrasound.  I would have had one anyway but now we are looking for a specific diagnosis rather than just making sure everything is good in there.  Reasons for possibly measuring large include: multiples (u/s at 6wks and 8wks proved singleton), overweight mother (well, I did have 15 more pounds to lose before I conceived), breech position (a bit early to matter at this point isn't it?), pregnancy actually being farther along than originally thought (not likely as 6wks and 8wks u/s both measured within normal limits) or developmental abnormalities.  I'm rooting for breech myself since it can be delt with, makes me not so much a fat ass and allows for the child to be sans abnormalities.

 

*Fingers Crossed*

 

Ultrasound is scheduled for Thursday afternoon.  We do plan to find out the gender and I really can't say that I am hoping for one more than the other.  T is absolutely convinced it is a girl and happy about it.  In all of the dreams I have had (none of which have been about a newborn, all toddlers sized kids) it has been a boy (except one specific dream where it was a girl but she looked JUST like my niece who was adopted from Guatemala and obviously not my daughter, besides I had just spent Christmas with the family and therefore spent time with said niece and had little girls on the brain.)  So, we'll see if T is right or not.  He usually is, his track record is outstanding.

 

Issues with the gym: When I go to the gym my clothes cover up most of my extra mass so I feel as though I look like I should just spend some more time in the gym. I am having a problem in that area as of late.  When I was first pronounced pregnant the doctor told me to continue my normal exercise routine.  Keep on keepin' on as it were.  Well, it is getting more difficult.  My normal routine would be 30 minutes on the elliptical, stretch, 30 minutes on the recumbant bike then lift weights.  I stopped doing the weights when I was told to stop lifting anything over 30 pounds.  I kept up everything else.  I have slowly but surely decreased my efforts on the recumbant bike since my abdomen seems to be getting in the way when my knees come up and the upright bike makes my ass hurt.  Hmm.  Now, my saving grace, the elliptical is getting painful.  I am getting what I assume to be round ligament pains while I am on there.  It is sort of like getting a stitch in one's side, when you stop the exercise, the stitch goes away and so does this pain.  It is a very pronounced warning to knock it the fuck off already!  So, what is there to do?  Walk on a treadmill?  I can do this quite comfortably and have no problem with that, but it doesn't burn as many calories or work as many muscles and it gets boring after a while.  Everyone keeps telling me to take the water aerobics class which I would, it sounds fun even except that the gym I go to is on the nicer side of town and is populated with stepford wives who don't work during the day.  The classes are held while I am at work.  What to do.  I guess I get on the treadmill.  (Why don't they hook up laptop computers so people can blog while exercising?  I think if I owned a gym it would be a cyber-gym where your internet access depended on whether or not your feet kept moving.  Think of the multi-tasking possabilities!)

 

To ease my treadmilling-entertainment-starved mind (ignoring the 8 televisions lined up in front of the fitness room at the gym) I have ordered several new audiobooks from the library to load onto my iPod.  One from the Narnia series called "The Horse and His Boy", one from the Harry Potter series and a Stephen King.  I also picked up a couple more randomly off the shelves and will find out whether this was a mistake or not later when I actually listen to them.

 

In other news, my birthday is this weekend and I really couldn't give a shit.  Normally I would be all excited wondering what I will get since T is SO good at the gift thing.  This year however, what I REALLY want is something that I need.  New slippers.  Mine are blue (duh) fuzzy ones with moons and stars that glow in the dark.  I got them for Christmas a few years ago and have literally worn through the bottoms.  The tops are still nice and warm and normal looking but the big holes in the bottoms just do not cut it.  I have a pattern to knit and then felt my own wool slippers and I plan to do that...eventually.  Last year I was bothered by my birthday, not because I was turning 30.  I really didn't care about that part.  It was the whole wanting to have a baby when I was 30 thing that was getting to me.  The whole point was to continue the legacy that my mother and grandmother started.  My mom thinks that since I conceived when I was 30 and will be 31-1/2 when I give birth that this is close enough.  It just isn't the same.  I am not saying that this child is any less wanted or that I am unappreciative in any way.  I am just saying that I did not in fact fullfil my dream of HAVING a child when I was 30 so let's just drop the whole thing. The legacy is over and it ended with me.  Like an email chain letter I didn't forward to 97 people within 5 minutes of receiving it.

 

ALSO, in reflecting on the one child or more question going on over at Julie's blog I must say my choice has always been 2 children.  I came to this decision long before IF ever entered my realm of reasoning, which happened when I was 18 so you know, I have wanted two kids for a long time.  I mention it in my blog description for goodness sakes.  Why you ask?  Why when it might not happen?  Why when we don't even have the one yet?  I'll tell you why.  Because I was the younger of two children and my older brother died leaving me the only child and it was a sad lonely way to grow up.  I know I have special circumstances surrounding my childhood that other single children do not have but they are mine and I shall hold onto them.  When both of my parents remarried I suddenly had two step-families.  It was NOT the Br*dy Bunch, trust me.  None of my siblings are within a decade of my age, they are all older and had their own teenage angst going on when this piddly little 7 year old came in and became the new baby of the family.  I had no one to talk to, no one to play with, no one to play games with (which still inspires me to buy solitary toys for the Toys for Tots each year) and friends will only get you so far since they have families of their own, etc.  I do not want my child to grow up that way.  My psychologist in high school told me he was an only child and didn't feel that way at all about his upbringing.  I believe that to be true (though he was a bit of a dork, a good dork, but a dork nonetheless).  He said I had a bad image of only childhood because mine wasn't supposed to be that way, it happened through tragic means so it was tainted. Maybe, I still want more than one.  If I can't conceive a second one then we will adopt.  I was ready to do it this time, I'll be ready to do it the second time.  Please don't think that I am judging those who choose to have only one child.  If that is right for your family then that is great.  I do not feel that it is right for MY family.   

 

I want my kids to have someone to turn to, to play with, to conspire with and to say "What the Fuck!?" to when they feel we are being unreasonable as parents.  I didn't have anyone to do those things with and I think it is the desire of every parent to want something better for their children. So, put me down for two please.

 

 

Ok, HOLD Everything!

Just when exactly were Caramel HoHo's invented and WHY wasn't I notified?

What good is it having 24 hour news channels, three email addresses, a cell phone a regular phone a work phone and fax not to mention snail mail, junk mail and telemarketers if I don't hear the IMPORTANT news like this?

Geez!

And Another Thing!

I have always been a big supporter of Team Aniston in the Brad and Jen breakup.  I refuse to watch Mr. and Mrs. Sm*th (though I hear it is fabulous) because I just cannot get over the betrayal.  But now I have to share my pregnancy with the Brang*lina Baby!

 

Ugh!

 

Am I the only one who thinks that Angelina is NOT pretty?  Good body sure, but the face?  Blehck!

Boobs vs Bottle and my Mothering Fears

I listen to the debates about breast feeding and let me say, people can be downright militant in their beliefs on this one.  I would love to say that it doesn't matter.  I was not breastfed and look how I turned out.  But, in my case, I think my argument doesn't hold water.  Let's look at this.

 

I was allergic to milk, breast milk, formula, even soy.  At the time they didn't have all the new fangled non-dairy, Frankenfood sort of formulas like they have now.  So, I went right to cereal. (GASP!  "Solids" right from the get go!)  Of course I would like to say that I turned out just fine regardless.  I no longer have any food sensitivities unless you include smelly pee after eating asparagus, but I think that is pretty much a universal thing.

 

However, did I turn out just fine?  Endometriosis which was diagnosed when I was 18.  Looking back I believe I suffered from this disease from my very first period when I was 10 years old.  Hashimoto's Thyroiditis which went un-managed for over a decade resulting in the irreparable damage to 90% of my thyroid gland.  Poly Cystic ovaries made it more difficult for me to conceive, added extra weight around my middle and hair to my face and belly.  These are all autoimmune system related are they not?  They say that breast feeding is supposed to support a healthy immune system.  I did not get that support. (Let us not forget the eczema, exercise induced asthma or seasonal allergies either.) I have been able to manage and finally understand the medical issues I am facing as an adult, but I do not know if any or all of them could have been avoided should I have been nursed as a baby.

 

This sounds like I am making a hardcore plug for the breast.  The truth is, I cannot answer the question, "Would breast milk have made a difference in my life?"  Therefore, I shall remain neutral on the subject.  I plan on nursing for a few simple reasons.  #1) It is one of those motherly things I would like to experience if I am able. #2) I know it is good for the baby (good as in, not bad for the baby, not as in, it is better than formula). #3) With the exception of the cost of the pump, it is cheaper than purchasing formula.

 

So, I will be attempting to breast feed.  I say attempting because, as was the case with my own mother, not everyone can do this.  I will give it my best shot.  I will talk to lactation consultants, I will even contact the LLL (GASP!) because they will have important information that may help me.  The militant opinions I will have to let wash over me and let it all go in one ear and out the other. 

 

My challenge will be getting Light Blue to take both breast AND bottle equally well by the time daycare starts at 8 weeks.  I have heard to introduce both right away.  I have heard only breast for the first three weeks.  I have heard that I am not the one to give the bottle since he/she will prefer the breast from me.  I know working mothers do this all the time.  The pumping and storing and planning ahead and bonding and fathers being able to help with feeding, etc.  I think that all of this is my biggest concern about the whole baby thing.  I am not worried about labor or C-sections or PPD.  I am worried that the stress of figuring all this out will diminish my supply. Oh yeah, and according to a book I am reading on the subject I have flat nipples.  They do not poke out when pinched, they sink in.  This is supposed to make it more difficult to both feed and pump. I am not tossing and turning at night worried, just concerned. 

 

If you asked me what my fears are in regards to motherhood in general they would be #1) pumping/working/nursing and #2) teenage daughters.  I do not know if I will have a son or daughter but Holy Christ has anyone seen the movie Thirteen? (Holly Hunter as the mother, fabulous true-life movie of the horrors of young teenage life.)  Oh my God what the Hell am I going to do when T's precious "Daddy's Girl" fantasy grows up to be an adolescent? *groan, shudder*

 

OK, got off track a bit.  19 week appointment this afternoon at which time we will schedule the big anatomy ultrasound and hopefully discover the answer to Light Blue's gender. 

 

Oh, and do not even get me started on the whole cloth vs. disposable thing.

WOHM-Guilty Justification

So I am looking into childcare centers near where I work. I know. This makes me a bad mother right from the start does it not? I shall be a WOHM. Working Out of the Home Mother. Good Lord, what will my child do? Light Blue shall be handed over to some stranger to be raised. Why bother having a kid at all if I am only going to ship him/her off to someone else and go on about my life as if I did not even have a child? What the Hell is wrong with me that I am so selfish as to bring a child into the world if I do not plan to raise it myself? I do not even have what I would call a career. It is just a very long-term (8+ years so far) job that I enjoy and pays well and the people make me laugh on a daily basis. Selfish any way you cut it.

Or is it?

Here is the thing. If I stop working we will starve, lose our house and die on the streets. I am not the major breadwinner in our family but I contribute almost half of our household income and we are going to take a big hit this next summer when I am off work for 8 weeks. I could return to work on a part-time basis and we could probably get by financially, but it would suck and our lifestyle would drastically decline. Not what we want for our child. If T were to suddenly be laid off (not out of the question in his line of work as in all things industry, when things get slow the workers go home unpaid. It has not happened yet but that does not mean it couldn't in the future.) we would lose our health insurance and other benefits. If I am working part-time when/if this might happen then we would not be eligible for those benefits at my company. If I work full-time we are.

I will take 8 weeks off after the birth and then return to work full-time. Ready or not, here we come! The child will go to daycare while I am at work. I shall take Light Blue in when I go to work, I can stop by and visit or to nurse during the day and will pick him/her up on my way home at night. Once home we shall share some quality time as a family before bed and do it all over again the next day. It will be long and stressful and tiring and I will probably miss first smiles and steps and rolling over and the like but you know what? I am doing what I need to do to support and raise my child in the best way I know how. I know the firsts are so amazing and important but the ones he/she does at home at night or on the weekends will but just as thrilling the first time WE see them.

It will not be easy and I am dreading it already but I also know that I can do it, we all can do it so it will be done. If we refinance the house (as we were supposed to do last fall) and get rid of my car payment (will be paid off in June) then maybe I could think about staying home. But you know what? I do not really want to do that either. If I am a SAHM T will expect the house sparkling clean, the laundry done, the shopping done, the dishes done and dinner made and I am just NOT a domestic goddess. I would probably not get those things accomplished without a baby to take care of.

I just do not do “housewife”.

So, I have narrowed my search for childcare down to three centers. (Centers vs. in a private home since the homes are not inspected or properly governed around here and the centers are.) Two are very convenient and close-by my office and one (where my niece goes) is all the way across town and completely out of my way but a good place. The others are good as well so I am leaning in the direction of convenient and good and should neither of those work out I can always use the across town one as a back up.

*Sigh* There are so many decisions to make and I feel as though I am running out of time to make them. 19 weeks tomorrow and in the next couple of weeks we will find out whether Light Blue will be wearing pink or blue the first day of daycare.

Two Feet!

A while back T asked what I wanted for Christmas. As I never have an actual answer to this question, or rather, never one I can really share without looking materialistic I usually shrug and say I will have to think about it. This year, the unshared idea was a recliner for the nursery. This has been my one and only nursery requirement since 1999, long before we were even engaged. While sitting up at 4am rocking my friend’s newborn son to sleep and reveling in the joy of the moment I wished the glider in their nursery was a recliner. Right then and there I decided that I could live without a pack-n-play or a changing table or even a crib if it came to that, but I MUST have a recliner.

 

The week before Christmas T asked again what I wanted. I told him I had something in mind but I was not sure if that was what he wanted to get for me. He said he had a good idea for something to get me but did not want to spoil the surprise. As it turned out, we were both thinking the same thing. Amazingly enough, Furniture Store A was having a buy one get one free sale on recliners. Perfect! We were not sure what exactly we would do with the second one but that could be worked out later. We procrastinated as is in both of our natures and the sale came and went. Hmm. Now we just had to find a good deal on one that we liked. We decided to look first at Furniture Store B. They have many recliners to choose from and I immediately found one that was very comfortable and smooth leather (hence easy cleaning) and affordable. "I’ll take it!" I told the salesman. "No" he replied, "you won’t!" It was the very last one ever on the face of the earth and it had been sold as a floor sample to someone else. We looked some more and found one in the clearance area that I liked just fine. We had them spray on their super duper fabric protection stuff and it would be delivered in two days.

 

While I was perusing the recliners T wandered around and found a sectional sofa he really liked. He has wanted one in the livingroom for sometime now. He called me over and we flopped down on it. It had a recliner at one end then wrapped around the corner to a sofa bed and then ended with a chaise lounge. We imagined that chaise in front of our big bay window and how much Maggie would LOVE to lie there and watch the world’s goings on outside. We poked and prodded the cushions. We looked at other fabric samples but decided the one we saw right there would go great in our livingroom so there was no need to special order. We went so far as to have the salesman pull the coffee table out of the way so that I could completely unfold the sofa bed and tried it out right there in the store. No strange bars or springs in the middle of my back like the one we have at home. We got pricing and delivery information and had the man measure the whole thing so that we could then measure our room at home to make sure it would fit. It turned out we had a foot to spare! Wonderful! We could even save money on the delivery charge by having the couch and recliner delivered at the same time. BONUS!

 

However, our livingroom at the time was not prepared to receive a new sectional sofa. We had a Christmas tree in the middle of the window, we would need to somehow move the immensely heavy sofa bed couch from the livingroom downstairs to the basement which would require moving the table from one side of the room to the other which would mean the huge stereo cabinet would need to be moved out to the garage. We would also need to figure out something to do with the huge chair in the livingroom, which is almost the size of a small love seat. There was just too much to be moved and changed and prepped with only one day’s notice. We decided to hold off on the sectional until after the holidays.

 

Last night we took a trip out to Furniture Store A just to say that we looked at some other sectionals before making an impulse purchase on the one we have both been fantasizing about from Furniture Store B. Well, Furniture Store A had what looked to be the same exact sectional only with slightly different pieces included. Instead of the big sofa bed, which we neither need nor want, it had another recliner section right next to the chaise. It looked much shorter in length from the one at Store B. We measured and checked and squinched up our faces in confusion and calculated and still didn’t understand how this sectional with the different and much smaller pieces could measure out to be the same size as the visibly larger one at Store B. Things just were not adding up.

 

We realized that the salesman at Store B was the one who had given us the measurements of the sofa. We measured the one at Store A ourselves and could not argue with the numbers that were printed on the chart showing the sizes of the different sectional pieces. We hopped in the car and drove from the far far far south side of town to the much norther part of town to Furniture Store B. The salesman we had worked with before was not in but another gentleman was happy to take his commission… I mean help us. We measured the original sectional and discovered that the measurements the original salesman had given us were short by two feet. Yes, two whole feet!!!!! We are not talking about oops I forgot the extra cush in the cushions, we are talking, I forgot how to read a damn tape measure! This sectional was a good 12 inches too long to fit into our livingroom.

 

Do you have any idea how irritated (read pissed beyond human recognition) T would be if we had gone ahead and scheduled delivery of this sofa only to find out that once we had an empty livingroom the damn thing wouldn’t fit between the walls? I am glad I did not have to witness such an occurrence. The baby might end up too scared to leave the womb had he/she/it heard such an outburst!

 

Luckily, we avoided just such a fiasco by decided that the wingnuts who work for Furniture Store B are commission grubbing assholes. We shall be returning to Furniture Store A this evening to arrange for delivery of the second sectional which we actually like better than the first one anyway!

 

Just to show I am shopping challenged in all areas, not just furniture I shall add my little excursion at lunch today. I was at a store looking at shoes. I tried on one style on my right foot and one on my left trying to decide which I liked better. I decided on the one on the left so I put away the pair from the right foot and went to grab the right shoe from the left-foot box. It was not there. I saw three boxes all my size and none of them had a right shoe in them. I saw sized above and below what I needed in pairs but they only had left feet shoes in my size!

 

I ask you. Is it me? Is it really supposed to be this difficult?

18 Week PG Update

18 Weeks today!  How is this going so fast?  I have a normal prenatal appt. next week and will schedule the big ultrasound at that time.  We do plan on finding out the gender.  Can't wait to know what we are looking forward to.  Boy or Girl doesn't matter, I just want to know which so I can start thinking about names.  I would also like to buy something other than yellow or green for once.

 

I feel great!  I tell people I am having an un-textbook pregnancy and they look horrified and ask what is wrong.  I tell them nothing is wrong, I feel no different from normal every day.  The one exception being that I do not feel my Endo symptoms like I usually would.  I have felt what seems like ovary pain and what feels like those warm AF cramps occasionally but for the most part I feel better now than I have in years.

 

I am just now starting to show and I think it is more a matter of the baby in the back (retroverted uterus remember) pushing out my belly fat.  I can't suck in my gut anymore but the area around my bellybutton is still nice and squishy so I know that is still fat and not baby.  I feel tightening and painful stretching sometimes and I joke the kid is going through a growth spurt.  Probably not so much of a joke as they said this month the baby will actually double its size!  Holy Cow! So far I have gained 11 pounds.  My fat pants from before my weightloss are still too big and baggy in all the wrong areas (legs, butt, hips) so I think I shall take my new gift certificates (from Xmas) and head to the maternity store for pants to wear to work. *sigh*  I am such a tightwad when it comes to clothes!

 

Last night I started working on knitting a baby afghan.  The first project for the little one.  Cross your fingers I get it done by June.  This sucker could take a while as it is done with fine gauge yarn and on relatively small needles.  I'll post a picture when I'm done.

 

T gave me a gliding recliner for Christmas to put in the nursery.  YAY! Santa was good to me too with a gift certificate for the local salon/day spa.  They have a package especially for preggos which includes massage, facial, manicure, pedicure and hair style.  I figure I'll wait until I am nice and miserable this spring and then go spoil myself for a while.

 

In other news I went to see The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe the other day.  If any of you are fans of The Chronicles of Narnia I highly recommend it.  I was very nervous that they would muck it up trying to make it into a movie but they did a really good job.  If you haven't read the Chronicles then let me ask...WHY NOT?!?!?!?!  They are fabulous!

 

We visited friends from college for New Years.  They have a fondue party each year and it is always a great time. I drank grape juice mixed with Sprite. It was actually pretty good.  Then toasted with sparkling grape juice.  (So miss the drinking!)

 

I am knocking on the door of 1/2 way.  Still amazes me.

Reflections and Resolutions

It is New Years. Well, almost.  So, I thought I would reflect on the past year and look ahead to the new one.

 

Let's see.  2005 included Metformin, Clomid, lots of time in the gym and much much much stress over money and my marriage.  My marriage because I became completely obsessed with baby making to the exclusion of all other things and money because our personal finances happened to be one of those things I excluded.  Hence, more stress on the marriage.  Luckily round about April my husband gave me a gentle and loving back hand and I pulled my head out of my own ass and rejoined the rest of the world...sort of.

 

June brought about our first cycle with the Fertility God.  I thought he was right on target with the Letrozole (Femara) and loved actually getting a u/s to check for follies as this had not been done by my GYN while on the Clomid.  We of course failed miserably at the post coital.  It really wasn't good for either of us considering we were both burnt to a crisp after an afternoon at the beach which lead T to believe we weren't really that bad off, it was our lack of enthusiasm that did us in. *eyes rolling*  The failed post coital lead us to our first IUI, which just about drove me into the looney bin.  I was shocked, amazed and astounded at how fast things had changed.  We went in for a u/s expecting to be told to go home and enjoy each other for the next couple days and we would see what came of it.  Instead, we were told to return the next day with the sample and 'round about lunch-time we would do an insemination.  Huh?  My head still spins when I think of it.  I was ready to move on to IUI, just not mid-cycle.  It really through me for a loop.

 

Then there was the siding on the house and the trip to Seattle for my friend's wedding.  In the end I can say the wedding was beautiful, we love the new siding and it was marvelous to take that cycle off.  At the time...there are not enough synonyms of the word stress to describe what the summer (and well into fall) was like for us.  Just not enough.

 

At the end of August we started our next cycle.  Again with the Letrozole/IUI.  Fingers crossed it would work this time.  I took the day of the insemination off hoping the relaxation would give me a bit of an edge rather than rushing to get it done on my lunch hour.  That afternoon T and I went to the beach and played and splashed in the biggest waves we had seen all summer.  We had a blast.  It was really fun. 

 

The two week wait went by really quickly.  I was busy at work and thinking of failure anyway so what was the point in obsessing over the horrendous constipation that had consumed my body (thank you Prometrium my evil evil friend)?  I tested rather perfuctorily on the 15th day post IUI just to get it out of the way, and ...so that I could drink heavily with a clear conscience at the System of a Down concert we would attend that evening.  Low and behold, there were two lines.  My initial reaction was, "What the Hell is that?"  Followed quickly by, "How the Hell did that happen?"

 

The betas came back favorably, the 6 week and 8 week ultrasounds showed blobs growing on target with an itty bitty flashing heartbeat.  Next thing I know I am booted back to the OB/GYN and am scheduling monthy exams with her and not so monthy visits to the endocrinologist to keep my wacky thyroid in check.

 

Head still spinning. Still shocked, amazed, astounded and disbelieving.

 

I now find myself 17 weeks plus 3 days pregnant and looking forward to the end of January.  You see, not only will that bring my birthday which I so dreaded last year (I didn't care so much about turning 30 as I did about having a baby when I was 30. That didn't work out so well.) but we shall also have our big ultrasound in which the blob will look like an actual baby with bones and legs and fingers and a nose and hopefully we will find out what "the kid" will actually be. Light Blue is referred to as "the kid" everywhere else in my life.  My father thinks this is fabulous and insists we should go with Billy or Billie for whichever gender we end up with.

 

Boy or Girl.  So many things hinge on this one 50/50 chance.  First of all, my mother can stop calling it "Whoozit".  Secondly, T and I can start discussing names.  Thirdly, I can finish picking things out for my registry without having everything be yellow and green.  I am not against these colors per se, they just aren't my style.  Also, I found a LOVELY book of knitting patterns called "Daddy's Little Girl" and I would LOVE to be able to make something up and surprise T with it for Father's Day but of course, if we have a boy that might be a bit inappropriate, don't ya think?

 

Moving on...my resolution last year was to get healthy.  I lost about 40 pounds and have had more compliments on my looks this year than I ever have before.  I feel great and I am happier with life in general.  Contented with the way I am now.  My resolution in 2006 is this...I will be a good mother.

 

This scares me a bit because I have no idea what the Hell I am doing when it comes to mothering.  I plan on playing it by ear and not making any preconceived ideas/notions/fantasies or expectations.  One of my favorite sayings is, "If you expect nothing, you will never be disappointed".  This sounds very harsh and cynical but it is OH SO TRUE and can be used for good as well as evil.  I choose to use it for good.  Prepare for everything, expect nothing. 

 

Happy New Year to all of you.  I hope that 2006 brings you everything you have hoped and dreamed for.  I shall raise my glass of sparkling grape juice at midnight and think of all the infertiles, and wish this next year brings manifestation of all of your dreams.

Oh Joy, Oh Bliss

How much better can life get?  I am sitting in my brand new, delivered 5 minutes ago, recliner (Christmas gift from T for the nursery) writing on my now completely wireless laptop.  Ha!  I have a home network, go figure.  Can life get much better?  Well, Ok, in June I shall write you on my wireless laptop from my recliner with a little one resting comfortably asleep in a sling around my neck. How about that?  (Those who know better, please don't burst my bubble yet.  I am still in that denial stage about what life with a baby will really be like.)

 

Merry Christmas to all! And Happy Chanukah Dear Wessel! 

Blue :0)

Eeek! I have been Tagged!

Jen P. tagged me!

5 Things:

1) I have two big book ideas which my friends and family agree would make me a best selling author in no time. One is actually a series of childrens books based on a cartoon version of my dog Maggie. I have gone so far as thinking about getting my incredibly talented cousin to do the artwork but thinking is as far as it has gone so far. The other is a suspense novel based on the “true” story of a love triangle that may or may not actually be happening to some people I know. I get new material all.the.time. because it keeps going on (love, infidelity, lies and at least one death). Trouble with that is…my conscience won’t let me write it. One of the people involved is a friend who has supported me throughout TTC and is absolutely extatic now that I am expecting. It may never be written. Damn integrity gets in the way sometimes.

2) My second major in college was Comparative Religions (Shinto, Buddhism, West African traditions, Native American traditions, along with JudeoChristian traditions, etc.). I think I was searching for faith, something I could actually say I believed in. I did not find it. Basically it started out as one elective class that I loved (Japanese Religions) so I took another one and by the end I had enough credits to forgo the minor and just get the second major. If I wanted to take only 30 more credit hours (a whole ‘nother year) I would have had a second bachelors degree to go with my BS in Psychology.
Note: I am now working at a job that uses neither major and feel I am losing brain cells on a minute by minute basis.

3) I am a huge supporter of Gay Lesbian Bisexual and Transgendered Rights. Equal rights, not special rights. Gay Marriage, Gay Adoption, Equal Partner Benefits, etc. However, I do not have any family or friends in the GLBT community. How did this come about? It all started in the 8th grade when our school band went to see the symphony play downtown. In the lobby before the performance T and I were killing time around the pay phone but had no money to place a call. I called the first 800 number that popped into my head. It was the AIDS information hotline. I asked them to send me their free information package. It arrived a short time later and I read through it absolutely horrified by the disease. I was heartbroken to learn so many people had become ill and were turned away by their loved ones because of the way they lived their lives. It hurt me and angered me. It was just WRONG! I called back year after year to get updated information and swore that as an adult I would be an AIDS counselor and help those people who didn’t have the help from their families. I may still do that one day once I can go back to school for my Masters in Social Work.

4) I have never been good at telling time on a round faced clock. When I was in 4th grade I was one of those kids pulled out of normal class time to go get special tutoring in math. My problem wasn’t the addition and subtraction. I worked with a damn cardboard clock. To this day people ask me what time it is and I hum and haw a minute while I literally count by fives to figure out what damn time it is (heart pounding the whole time, anxiety level through the roof that I will get it wrong). T gave me the most beautiful gold watch for Christmas a couple years ago. It has an elegant black face with a diamond at the top … and no numbers on it. I hardly ever wear it simply for the anxiety that someone might ask me the time (I tell him I don't want anything to happen to it so I am saving it for "dress up" occasions. I have been known to just hold out my wrist so that people can look themselves.
Note: We have already decided that T will be in charge of teaching our kids math and science skills while I will focus on reading, writing and culture.

5) I think I am anti-social. No seriously. I have three best friends in this world. T is one and I have two girlfriends who unfortunately both live out of state. I have acquaintances with whom I get along quite well and enjoy spending time with, but that happens maybe once or twice a year with each. If I am out and see someone I know in a store, I do not go up and say “Hi”, I duck down another isle so as not to have to talk to the person. I did this once when I saw my own grandmother at the movie theater. Now tell me, is this normal? I am thinking not. If it were not for my job I would never leave the house. No really. If it were not for the dog I would not go outside for days at a time. I think this is why I enjoy the internet so much. It allows me interaction with people but it feels safer. I am not being judged or expected to respond immediately,no one asking me for the time, etc.

Do I have to tag 5 people? I don’t think 5 people read this blog. How about B and April.

Aggravation is...

   when you get home at almost 6pm on Tuesday night to find a message on the machine from your OB's office saying to call them before 5 but don't forget that they are closed on Wednesdays so if you can't call by 5 then to please call on Thursday.

 

I had blood drawn on Monday for the Quad Screening.  Do you think this raised my hackles?  They don't call unless something is wrong, I believe this is normal doctor behavior.  If the bloodwork is good then no news is good news.  Otherwise, they call, right?

 

So, Bitch #1:  They have my work number, they know that I work and have called me at work on many many occasions.  Why would they leave this message at home on a Tuesday so that I can obsess about it for a full day and a half before I can find out what they want?

 

Bitch #2: Why is the office closed on Wednesdays!  This is highly irritating! 

 

Bitch #3: I immediately must begin to think of reasons OTHER than the fact that my Quad test would reveal that T and I should never have biological children and should stop this whole thing right here and now for the sake of humanity at large.  The only thing I can come up with is that the lab somehow screwed up my sample.  Maybe they put it in the wrong vial or it was mixed with the wrong chemical or they didn't get enough or they spilled it or something equally human-error-oriented which has nothing at all to do with me or our baby.

 

Bitch #4: T picks Tuesday night of all nights to make a very insensitive politically incorrect joke about the mentally challenged.  At first I think this is a slam on the mentally challenged at large and then realize he is referring to me.  I then think that when I call the OB on Thursday she will tell us our chances of having a Down's child will be something like 1:2 or some other insane thing that of course you can't really tell from a Quad screen, but who the Hell is thinking clearly at a time like this?!?!?!?!  (In T's defense, it was a funny joke. It was just wrong on so many levels.)

 

Bitch #5: When I called the OB's office this morning to find out what they wanted to tell me I discovered that they sent me for my Quad test two weeks too early.  They want it done at 16 weeks and I had only been 14 weeks 6 days when the blood was drawn.  SO! I get to do it over again, they will send me the lab slip in the mail.

 

LOVELY!

Road Rage on a Monday Morning

So I was a mere 60 seconds from work this morning when this trailer-haulin’-pick-up-drivin’-assh*le decided it would be a good idea to pull out in front of me and make a left turn across two lanes of traffic at much less than the acceptable 55mph speed limit posted in that area. Dumb Ass! Dumb Ass!

 

I slammed on the brakes, which of course in these days of anti-lock "assistance" means you cannot actually stop the car!!! I know, I know, my brakes suck. They have always sucked. I am told the rotors are too small for the size of the vehicle, it is a design flaw, etc. I do require extra braking distance. Which, if I am coming up to a corner or stop light is no problem because I know how to drive my car! I am used to my sub-standard brakes and extra braking distance required. Others however, are not. I could have hit him, in the rear, and would not have had my vehicle under control for the speed, etc. making it my fault. I did nothing wrong.  I had the right of way and was going the posted limit! Grrr.

 

This guy pulled out across two lanes of traffic, s-l-o-w-l-y with me and the van next to me (no dodging to the side on this one, had to stop or hit the guy) barreling down on him at 55mph. I hit the horn twice, the second time not lifting my hand from it, just let ‘er rip and he sort of stared at me like "What is your problem?"

 

Um, my problem is that apparently ever since conception I have a HUGE sign above my car, invisible to me of course, that says "Hey! Over here! Hit the pregnant lady! You probably won’t even get a ticket!" Let us look at this in more detail shall we? I have never in my life been in an actual car accident until October of this year. I have been in minor rear-ending situations where there was no damage and these usually occurred in a parking lot and were not my fault!!!! However, 6 weeks into pregnancy, WHAM! I get T-boned in a place the cops call "Accident Alley", where I have driven on a regular basis with nary a close call for YEARS!  Now, almost 9 weeks later, I narrowly miss smashing into the trailer of an incompetent. If this is a pattern I had better watch myself, or rather, everyone else on the road, come early March or I could have a major problem!

 

I have heard the argument time and time again that people should have to get a license in order to have children. Not only is this completely un-inforcible in my opinion but, using driving comparatively I would say that even those with a valid license (assuming the guy had one) are inherently stupid. There is just no way around it. Someone will ruin it for everyone else, it always happens.

 

How did I react? I raged. My child’s first words will not be fit for young children or those with sensitive dispositions. Amazingly enough, I lost my outrage rather quickly. I thought, "Damn! Crazy A**hole! If only it weren’t dark and he was going the other way I could have gotten his plate number!" What I would actually do with this information is beyond me, but still. Once in the office and informed that the printer was broken I started my workweek and all but forgot the whole thing. Well, except to write this of course. :0)

 

I am now comforting myself with a cup of decaf and a chocolate eclair. Comfort food if ever there was. I believe this is what the gods called Ambrosia and just did not share.

 

So how is your Monday morning going?

14 Week Prenatal Appointment

We waited 45 minutes for our 5 minute appointment.We heard the heartbeat for about 2 seconds before we were interrupted by a knock at the door and that was the end of that. She does not have a digital doppler so we don't have a count. I expect my rented home doppler to arrive tomorrow so I can listen (and count) all I want! T thinks this means I am obsessively pessimistic and expect nothing but doom.  I just want to have some connection with this kid that I cannot feel or see.  Is that so wrong?

My bloodwork from last time (STD/HIV testing) came back clear.  I had my flu shot and will go in Saturday to get blood drawn for the genetic screening tests.  I have my reservations about this since there is a high rate of false positives.  Dr. WaitnSee said they are about 75% accurate.  I can't decide if it would be better to know or not.  I'd rather just not think about it. (By the way, all the decisions about whether or not to do this fell in my lap as I looked to T for his opinion and he made it clear it was up to me.)

Next appointment will be Jan. 12 at which time we will schedule the big ultrasound (around my birthday sometime). SO excited to find out what we are having.  Of course,my favorite question is "Do you know what you're having?" followed by "Yes! It's a baby!" But that could just be my own sick sense of humor.

She gave me the go ahead to go to the indoor firing range as long as we don't stay "all day" or go every day.  She said once in a while for about an hour is just fine, though she can't for the life of her figure out why someone would go shoot at targets.  This means that while my Dad and stopmom are visiting this Christmas we can all go to the range and shoot.  T wants to show me his gun that he just got a couple months ago (his Christmas gift from me last year, he finally picked one out) and my Dad and stepmom have both taken up shooting so we can actually have a family outing with a common interest. Amazing!

She wants me to stay on the Met for a while yet.  Not sure when that will be over.  The exciting thing was I only gained 2 pounds since my last appointment.  Why this is exciting I do not know but both the nurse and the doctor seemed happy to see that.  At least I am not ballooning up just because I can.

I am still waiting to hear back from the Thyroid Guru (he of the open doors) about my last test results.  Could he be any slower?

Sorry I haven't written much lately.  I've mentioned before that I write when things are bad or when I am feeling insecure.  Since I have been feeling good about things, I find myself with not much to say.  I suppose that makes me a whiney bitchy writer which is akin to a starving artist.  One must suffer for her art, or, in order to obtain it in the first place.  I am not going to complain about being pregnant (nothing to complain about other than the lack of Holiday 'Spirits' ) and I can't exactly whine about wanting things to go more quickly so I can actually meet this little person. I am also not going to sing the praises of all things pregnancy and wish babydust upon people.  So, I guess I am stuck in the land of the non-verbal.

No Endo is a Good Endo...

"So how are you feeling?"

 

This is the question I am asked most these days. The answer is, I feel fine. Good actually. It is a bit strange. This is the first time in I don't know how long, I have not felt the effects of Endo. I am one of those people with Stage I Endo, not very bad, but I do feel pain from it, daily, whereas someone with Stage IV might not feel any pain. (Strange duck this disease.) I was first diagnosed after finally confessing to pain so bad I actually had to sit down in the mall while shopping with a friend. That was a full year into the pain at that level and the first time I told anyone about it, ever.

 

So here I am 12 years later and amazingly pregnant, no pain, no sickness, feeling a bit more energetic than I did the first couple of months (possibly due to the increase in my thyroid medication?) and still nothing to show for it. I am not showing yet (though my "skinny" pants are too small and my "fat" pants are too big), I can't feel the baby yet, I have nothing other than the absence of my usual Endo symptoms to tell me things are different. *Shrug* (Oh, and I found out yesterday that Christmas songs on the radio make me cry huge weeping sobs.)

 

You know what? I'll take it.

 

I have a sister-in-law who suffered horrible pain and chronic sickness only to discover last year that the problem was Endo. After hearing me go on and on about how awful I felt and how frightened I was I might never get pregnant she and my BIL started trying right away. She was getting a bit worried when 5 months went by and no double lines showed up, but then, just in time for Christmas last year they announced they were expecting. Not the first grandchild in the family but it would be the first boy! He was born in June. She told me a couple weeks ago that pregnancy gave her the most relief from her Endo. She felt good, she is breast feeding her now 5 month old and has suffered pain and near constant bleeding. The Endo came back right away and with a vengeance.

 

I do not know what to expect after birth. I do not know how long my reprieve will last. I guess I should just enjoy it now, eh? If non-endo is the biggest symptom of pregnancy I shall face, then I think I have won the mother-load jackpot. Fingers crossed that it continues.

 

On another topic... My visit to the endocrinologist yesterday (another endo I don't like), The Thyroid Guru. The man has no bedside manner. They don't even close the door to the exam rooms in this office since you leave all your clothes on and they really don't even want you to sit on the exam table since then they would have to change the paper again. He rarely ever looks up from the chart to actually look at you, the patient. He choked me (squeezed my neck to check the size of the thyroid gland) and had me swallow. Asked if I had experienced any nausea, dizziness or fainting. No to all three. He then started laughing aloud. Actually laughing, not fake. I was a bit surprised and must have looked it. He said I was the first healthy person he had seen all day. I took that to be a good thing. Here is the bad part. The last time I visited him, I must have been a bit behind on my fluid intake for the day since the lab tech could not get any blood out of me. Three pokes later she handed back my slip and told me to try a different lab some other time as clearly I was as dry as the Sahara Desert. This time, in order to avoid a repeat performance, I drank a bottle of Gatorade followed by a full quart of water before my appointment. I sat there in the waiting room; leg bouncing thinking how much this would help me in the end and to just hold on. I sat there in the exam room trying to read Newsweek and failing since all I could think of was "Where is the bathroom and why in the world don't they close the doors in this place?" while trying not to listen in on his other patients' consultations. I thought about how unfair it was that they weighed me with my winter coat on (I did take off my boots) and when I had such a full bladder. I also was afraid my blood pressure might be too high due to the over crowding of fluids in my system but it came in at a nice 116/60. (The nurse assured me that I did not have to push up the sleeve of my sweater but then proceeded to velcro the blood pressure cuff TO my sweater. I have a nice patch on the underside of my arm that is extra fuzzy now. GRRR!)

 

Anywho...I still need to go to the lab to get blood drawn for that. Hopefully I have stabilized and can continue my current dosage and won't have to go back to waste another hour of my life in that office. According to the baby centered website the kid should be producing his/her/its own thyroid by now so it might ease up on me a bit. But then again, you never know with me. I am a freak, remember?