Santa-cycling

I have come up with a new theory to cure the over-population of toys. Even before Christmas we cannot seem to find our livingroom floor. So, my idea is, Santa should have an exchange program. Leave one new toy but take five old ones with him when he goes. I believe parents everywhere would get on board, and it would be a hit with both the Supernanny and Hoarders.

Art Prize 2010 look out!

Aaaaaand Here We Are

There is simply too much to put into one post. See
www.mandameow.blogspot.com for the story of Azure's cancer journey leading
us up to this point.

She is healthy.

She is HIGHLY ENERGETIC (!!!!!)

She is and always will be amazing.

Azure/Amanda
Blue/Meredith

Nice to meet you. :0)

Vampires Strike Close to Home

I was listening to the audiobook "Breaking Dawn" the other day, the final in the Twilight series of Teen-Vampire-Angst. **SPOILER ALERT** What hit me the hardest was not the end of the story, not saying good-bye to the characters. I was blind-sided by the traumatic birth and the fact that, following the birth of her baby, Bella was separated from her, for the baby's own good. Later, she has to go meet this baby who she doesn't yet know as her daughter, a stranger.
THAT'S HOW I FELT going into the NICU for the first time!!!! My daughter was shown to me for a fraction of a second before being whisked away to the NICU (with good reason of course) and T and I were left in the room alone. Hours later we went to meet our daughter. We were taught how to scrub in, put the hospital gowns over our street clothes and lead into the room full of brightly lit isolettes and warming beds. HOW DO I KNOW WHICH ONE IS MINE? I didn't know my own daughter, the one who had been a part of my own body that very same day. I had to rely on a stranger to tell me which bed to go to. I didn't know what I would find, I didn't know what she looked like. All I knew was that, at that point, she was still alive.
THAT SUCKED!!!! I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with the Twilight series of books, but this particular story-line got my attention. I GOT it, because I had LIVED it.
*sigh* I think I need to go back to simple fun books like the Harry Potter series or Anne of Green Gables or something.

Azure Update January 2009

Well, let's see. I have not been writing here, as I said I would, basically
due to the lack of time/energy involved in doing so.

Let me bring you all up to speed on Azure's condition. She was diagnosed at
the end of June with a tumor in her liver that had already metastasized in
her lungs. Not good. Very, very not good. When the doctor looks at you and
says, "...but we always have hope" it is never good.

She received her first dose of chemo on July 1st. Since then she has been
going back and forth between inpatient chemo, which is a weeklong stay in
the hospital for her and myself, and outpatient chemo where she has to go to
the clinic everyday for a week. Running after an extremely active
2-year-old with an IV pole...not so easy. The good news is, chemo does not
effect toddlers the same way as it does adults, or even older children. She
has not had the nausea one would assume, just periods of being a very picky
eater. She did lose her hair and now has what one mother calls "halo hair"
which is almost invisible unless there is light casting from behind.

She had surgery in October to remove the tumor, the right half of her liver
and her gall-bladder. We were in the PICU for days following just to keep
her on IV pain meds. Remembering the desperation in her eyes when she was
in so much pain and I couldn't do anything to help her makes me ill. I hope
like hell she never feels that kind of pain again the rest of her life. The
pathology from surgery was not as good as we had hoped. They left some
tumor cells behind right at the edge of the resection and there were still
live cancer cells instead of all dead ones. For this reason and because of
the advanced stage of cancer at diagnosis they continued to treat her
aggressively with chemo. They are hitting her with the big guns that they
would have used later in the case of a recurrence. This meant back to the
schedule of alternating weeks in and weeks out of the hospital, usually with
a week or so in between to let her recover.

Along comes the week of Christmas. We learned that our collective Christmas
Wish had come true. Azure is in REMISSION! This means there is no evidence
of cancer either on the CT Scans or in her blood work. This is amazingly
good news and we celebrated the holidays with true joy. We had had enough
of 2008 and were looking forward to ringing in the New Year and good
ridance, etc.

Then she spiked a fever on New Year's Eve. Back to the hospital we went for
blood cultures, antibiotics and IV fluids. She refused to eat or drink and
felt down right crummy. They didn't want to let us go home until she proved
she would drink on her own, but she found the one and only thing she could
control herself is what goes in her mouth. She refused to drink. After two
days of turning down the IV fluids hoping to make her thirsty they made us
promise to push fluids and call if we thought she was getting dehydrated and
let us go home. She is feeling better now but lashing out at us in
frustration and anger in a way only a 2-year-old can do. She throws
tantrums with kicking, screaming, hitting, biting, etc.

It has not been easy. The past 6 months have been harder on us than the
3-1/2 months she was in the NICU. T switched jobs twice over the summer and
did not have vacation time available and we have health insurance through my
job which meant that I had to keep up 40-hour work weeks. Thank goodness for
my mother who provided both free daycare and took her to clinic appointments
and sat with her in the hospital when T and I both had to work. We are worn
out! People keep asking if we have thought about having another child yet.
Ha ha ha ha ha! (I actually have an appointment to speak with a surgeon
about either having my tubes tied or removing all but one ovary. IF we add
to our family it will be through adoption.)

Anyway, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. She has once again
proven herself a survivor. She lived through cancer, now we just need to
get her through the remainder of her chemo treatments without any infections
and we can move on to cancer prevention and follow up checks...for the rest
of her life.

Thank you all for checking in on us. The positive vibes are still working,
our girl is Amazing.