March for Babies

Thursday, April 28, 2005


My throat was sore yesterday, I ignored it thinking maybe it would go away. It is not sore today (so I guess it worked, right?) except today it is scratchy and I have to keep clearing my throat which will eventually lead back to the sore throat thing. AND…my nose is running.

This makes me think back to the cycle before last where I was sick just about the entire time and I asked the question : Does Sick Equal Pregnant? My answer then was a resounding “NO”. Hmm.

According to the Amiga de Fertility site I am 4DPO. I have an Endometrial Biopsy scheduled for next Tuesday…CD25. Anyone want to take bets on which comes first? The bloodletting or AF? Anyone?

Also, they say that the Endometrial Biopsy (capitalized to show its importance in the I'm-A-Bit-Apprehensive category) will not interfere with implantation. Um. How the Hell could it not interfere with implantation? Do you know how this works? They stick a tube in your ute and twirl it around and around while moving it up and down and vacuuming out cells from your lining. Now, a vibrator making those same motions a little lower down would not cause me any worries in the slightest. (Anyone have a cigarette?) But in my ute when I am TTC and on CD25…at the peak of the 2WW Freak Out stage just doesn’t seem right. Hopefully the test will give me some answers that I can then take to the Fertility God who will fill me with a sense of calm and well-being as opposed to a ute vacuum. I hope.

And another thing! This goes out to the producers of Discovery Health Channel’s show Maternity Ward. When you have just shown the delivery of a baby at 25 weeks gestation and you are zooming in on the pediatric nurses performing CPR on said baby it is not necessary to do the slow-mo-for-added-dramatic-effect bit. IT IS ALREADY DRAMATIC ENOUGH!!!!! Please make a note of this in the future. Thank you.

Note to self: Never again watch Maternity Ward while eating dinner alone since it will cause you to cry while chewing and almost choke to death and then completely lose your appetite.

Monday, April 25, 2005

Better Late Than Never? or Blue = Sucky Date

I am a horrible date. It is a good thing that T and I got together when we were 13 or I never would have found a husband.

What is a typical date? Let’s review. Most “normal” people would say dinner, movie/theater/sporting event or some other fun activity together, followed by the goodnight kiss or sex. Right? Is that how it is supposed to go?

See, we keep getting this wrong. We do all the right things, but in the wrong order.

Last week we has sex for two hours which made us late for the hockey game we went to see and then ate dinner when we got home. See, all out of order.

We had tickets to see our local arena football team play on Saturday night. The game started at 7:30pm so we figured we would eat dinner at home first and then head downtown.

Around 5pm or so I saw T lying on the couch. I asked if he was going to take a nap before dinner. He said no. I rubbed his back a bit and then he flipped over and grabbed me in a big bear hug. “I owe you some sperm!” he said. Well, you don’t have to twist my arm on that one. I had three bars and an egg on the monitor that morning and hope is running high this cycle since it is my last chance to continue the baby-at-30 line established by my grandmother and mother. SO, we ended up in the guestroom (I’ll have to remember to change those sheets) and proceeded to get down to business. :0)

Afterwards T was quite intrigued by the Instead Cup as I explained what it was, the intended purpose, why I was using it then and he watched me insert it. Fascinating stuff! He said “I hope you’re all knocked up this time.” We chuckled at the crudity but we both hope it is true.

We then grilled T’s burgers and my salmon with diced pineapple and mango (YUM!) and sat down to eat about 7:50pm.

Did you catch that? Right, the game started at 7:30, we were at home starting dinner at 7:50. OK, just so we understand each other.

We arrived at the game in the second quarter, realized we weren't losing too badly and hope kicked in again. (Funny thing hope, pretty flexible.) There were touchdowns and interceptions and flags on many plays. It was a fun game…but we lost…we always lose. Anyway…

Sitting in the row behind us was the Uber Family. They have season tickets so we have gotten to "enjoy" them on more than one occasion. Mom, Dad, three girls and a boy. They (the kids) were all dressed in their team fan gear complete with pom poms in hopes of making it onto the jumbo-tron worked. They yelled and cheered and screamed at the top of their shrill little voices. At one point, my eardrums exploded into a zillion tiny little pieces. I just wanted to take one of those pom poms and jam it down their throats.

I nudged T and said “Just think, one day we will have one of those.” He said, “No, I think we’ll have one of those.” And he pointed to the little girl sitting in front of me. She was tall and thin and had her blonde hair up in a clip the same way I wear mine on occasion. She was maybe 7 years old. She was wearing jeans and a hooded sweatshirt, much like my own. She was quiet and polite and drank her soda and ate her Peanut M&Ms and watched the players on the field. My heart just melted.

I keep hearing Monica on Friends hugging little Emma and saying to Chandler “I want one” and he responds back “Me too”.

This coming Saturday we will be here to see this band. We damned well better not be late!

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Any Anthrax fans out there?

My maternal grandmother was born in 1914.
My mother was born in 1944.
I was born in 1975.
My grandmother was 30 years old when my mother was born.
My mother was 30 years old when I was born.
I want to be 30 years old when my first child is born.
This cycle is my last chance to make that come true.
I do not think it will work.

No Such Thing as Tomorrow
All We Want
Two, Three, Go!
Time, Got the Time Tick Tick Tickin' in My Head
Time, Got the Time Tick Tick Tickin' in My Head
Time, Got the Time Tick Tick Tickin' in My Head
Tickin' in My Head, Tickin' in My Head, Tickin' in My Head

Monday, April 18, 2005

Nothing much to say.

We had a wonderful weekend, just the two of us (and the dog) bumming around at home.

I am now down 40 pounds after shedding 5 more pounds last week. (read !!!!!!!!!) I might actually reach my goal weight early. Wow.

People keep asking me my secret. I should produce an entire infomercial to explain my revolutionary new diet secret. Are you ready? Operators are standing by! Here it is. BURN MORE CALORIES THAN YOU EAT! Oh my, you wouldn’t believe the groans I get when I say this. People want to pop a pill or drink some super dooper water that will wash away the pounds. It is HARD work people! I still suffer through workouts on some days but it is getting easier and easier and I’m sleeping better at night, I have more energy during the day and I’m not starving by any means.

I have my knitting group tonight at the coffee shop and intend on splurging on a decaf “Milky Way” with skim milk. YUM

I have been getting High readings on the monitor for a few days now. Just waiting to see a Peak followed by a temp rise so I can start the dreaded 2WW.

As we were snuggling into bed last night T said “I love you lots and lots” and I said “Me too” and he said “You love yourself lots and lots?” and I said “Sure” and he said “Self-Love is good” and I said “Yes” and he said “Would you show me some Self-Love now?” and I cracked up. My poor perverted husband.

My fabulous friend who turned me on to blogs in the first place is pregnant after m/c and I will hold my breath and keep my fingers and toes crossed until she brings home this little bundle of joy. Oh please, please, please let this one stick!!!!!

All for now.

Friday, April 15, 2005

Communication 101

Step 1: Blue, shut up and quit thinking so much.
Step 2: Always blame the Clomid for irrational behavior.
Step 3: As much as I hate to say it, my husband is always right.

T and I talked a LOT last night. I cried and cried (are we seeing a pattern here?) The result is this. T's whole bitch was that he felt that he was more "in tune" with me and my needs than I was with him and his needs (not just sexually but in general, the sex was supposed to be an example). I agreed that this is probably true, I apologized and I promised to do better in the future. He apologized for not saying something sooner and waiting until it was eating a hole in him to mention it because it just made a mountain out of a moderate molehill.

We are good. Peace and tranquility has returned to the house of Trunks and I will continue to blame my mood yesterday on the Clomid because if I don't then I am just an overly sensitive whiny woman and I can't have that.

I am about to take my last Clomid pills for this cycle (THANK GOD) and I had a high on the monitor this morning so we shall resume knockin' boots until I can confirm O. Or maybe I just won't tell him when I O and we'll just keep knockin' boots until the cow comes, I mean AF. Or something.

The sweetest thing ever: T and I were hugging after we had come to a mutual understanding last night and he said,"I wish you wouldn't cry". I told him not to take it personally, it was just going to happen that way. He said he knew but that it makes his heart hurt to see me that way. Awwww! This is why I fell in love with him when we were only 13.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Pardon me, I'm having a Clomid moment.

I’m in a mood. Not a rage like I expected from Clomid, just a mood. I thought Clomid made people swing wildly from one end of the emotional spectrum to the other. I envisioned sitting there minding my own business and then all of a sudden lashing out at my husband or coworker leaving them confused and looking at me as if to say “What the Hell is up with Dr. Blue and Mr. Hyde?” I have not experienced this…and I am grateful. Today however, things that are simply irritations on a normal day are driving me insane! If it wasn’t CD6 I would swear it was PMS…or depression.

So last Saturday night after returning from the wedding of a friend of mine T and I had a bit of discussion about how I suck as a wife. He has been feeling and that I haven’t properly appreciated his weight loss. He says he knows I love him, he never questioned that, but he doesn’t know if I desire him anymore. He says he’s been doing things to specifically get me turned on so that I will initiate sex more. People, I have no libido! I haven’t had one since college. I usually warm up to the idea once he gets the ball rolling, but he wants ME to roll the ball! I have actually been counting on that sexual peak (is that really a myth?) hitting a bit early since I just turned 30. I need help! He feels like a sperm donor and he said that now that we talked about it if I change my behavior he’ll know I’m just doing it because he said something, so I lose that way too. I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. (Picture Lucy Ricardo screaming out WWWWAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!)

I need to talk to T about this bit of marital crisis we happen to be in but I don’t know if it is a good idea while I’m feeling like this. I am bound to say something I regret. DAMN! I tell myself I need time to think before I talk to T about this but I just can’t seem to come up with a resolution we will both be happy with, at least in the short run. The long run tells me that our relationship is like the stock market and we will get over this low and rebound. He told me I really couldn’t win in this situation and I agree, but I hate feeling like this. I feel like I have failed as a wife and if I can’t even do this right, how the Hell will I be able to maintain our relationship once we have a baby?

It isn’t like we have been fighting since Saturday. On the contrary, I think we are going out of our way to be kind to each other because we know we have both been hurt in this. It is this sickening sense of falseness that bothers me the most. I hurt him and I am so sorry about that. I feel sick thinking about it. I apologized and I cried and I cried and he held me. We are both a bit perplexed about where to go from here.

Now here is the kicker. I will not let TTC ruin our marriage. It has been strained already and we are still in the charting with Clomid stage. FUCK THAT !!!!! I will not lose him for a phantom baby that doesn’t even exist yet. I don’t think we would break up, I can’t imagine a situation that might cause that. When I speak of losing him, I mean losing him the way I lost my parents, emotionally not physically. They were there but I didn’t feel loved. I’ll be damned if I will have a marriage like that.

This will work itself out in the end but in the meantime, I feel like I’m walking on egg shells at home. I feel like my every word and action is being questioned. I just want to cry. I don’t even want to go to my massage today, I’d rather skip it and just curl up in bed and cry until I sleep. I can’t do that though, T will be home and want to know why I’m crying and I just don’t know if I can explain it all verbally. We didn’t have sex last night even though I know he wanted to so now I feel obligated to do it tonight whether I feel like it or not. Like I’m not allowed to not want it whenever he gets the idea in his head…which is often.

I am caught between a dick and a hard place!

I just want to feel confident that what I am feeling is me and not the Clomid. I've never had any side effects from the Clomid before (except cysts) so I don't even know if maybe I'm making that up to excuse my mood.

FUCK !!!!

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Groin Pull, now with Super-Sized Ovaries!

I started this new weight machine at the gym this weekend. It works hip abduction (pushing out, you know, like in the stirrups) and hip adduction (squeezing in). The important part to note is that out was just fine, in was a bit more of a challenge. Being the stellar athlete that I am (Geez, did you see my eyes roll on that one?) I pushed through and did my sets and reps with my breathing, etc. This may not have been the best approach.

For two days now the muscles that connect my legs to my torso (adductors) have been very unhappy with me. I go to stand up and I get pain between my legs on both sides of my most nether of regions. I get comfortable in a sitting position and then moving to the upright they tighten up and don't want to stretch out that far causing me to grimace and stoop like an old woman (I am a bit crotchety at the ripe old age of 30) and most of the time I am able to keep from groaning. Most of the time.

I have always had "tight hips". I took yoga classes regularly for a while and the teacher was told me I had this problem. I could usually get into a position but getting back out of it was another story all together. I have found this to be true in bed as well. We can do what we do and after, T will ask if my legs are broken. They are fine during, while I'm in whatever position I happen to be in. It is moving out of that position and usually trying to straighten my legs after that causes problems. Maybe I need a bit of oil in my joints like the Tin Man?

For the past two days (CD3 and 4) I have been taking my 100mg Clomid like a good girl. I am also back on the Met after taking the weekend off to wallow in a martini and a few cold beers. I have been feeling rather full in the lower abdominal area. It feels like my ovaries are the size of overgrown lemons and bouncing around in my abdomen like astronauts in the zero gravity training room. (Boing, Bounce, Boom)They are sore. I can't imagine waiting another 10 days to ovulate if I'm this full already.

The trouble is this. The two pains, the inner hip pain and the ovary pain, combine to form one big sphere of pain in that whole general region. (whimper) I have learned that I squeeze my thighs tightly together while I drive. I have learned that it hurts when I lift one foot off of the gas to press the brake. ouch. I have learned that I tend to have a large stride, which has gotten shorter in the past couple of days.

I am hoping both of these issues resolve themselves before (if) I do ovulate because sex sounds like the last thing I want to do feeling like this.

Monday, April 11, 2005

In which Frump Girl pretends to be a Hottie

My husband stares at me a lot. I will be sitting there watching TV and all of a sudden, I realize he isn’t facing the television. He is facing me. He will sit there and just watch me watching TV. When I notice this I’ll say “You’re staring at me again” and he’ll say something like “Does that bother you?” I want to say “Yes! Knock it off! You’re making me self-conscious!” but really, why do I care if he listens to the TV and stares at me. Why do I care? I don’t know why, but I do. I do care.

He has done this as long as I can remember. Every time I see him staring at me I mention it and he shrugs and says something to the effect of “I just like looking at beautiful things”. This should be heartwarming. I know. I believe that HE thinks that I am beautiful. I do not believe this myself. It is just not in my genetic make up to be a “hottie”.

This is a new trend. Ever since we have been on this weight loss thing, he has taken to calling me “HOT!” I told him he seems more interested now that I have lost so much weight and he has reassured me that it is the fact that we have more energy for sex now than we had before we started exercising. This is true; exercise is great for improving your sex life. This however does not explain why he didn’t call me hot BEFORE I lost 34 pounds.

Some people would argue my hotness with me. “Blue,” they would say, “You are tall, with long blonde hair and blue eyes. You have proportionately large breasts and your weighty bulges are morphing into sleek curves. You, my friend, are a hottie!” This makes me uncomfortable. This makes me feel like more people will pay attention to me. T said that he has seen people in the store, at the gym, wherever…looking at me. I have not seen this. He is not the jealous husband type. I think he is actually proud that people might glance at me twice but he gets to go home with me. He knows that I don’t even notice these glances. I really don’t.

I don’t disbelieve him. I just don’t understand the whole concept. He is the most honest person I know, brutally so at times. I do not believe for a minute that he would lie to me. I just don’t see what he sees.

Apparently, I have neglected to show proper appreciation for his physical transformations as well. He has paced me in this weight loss. He also started using hair clippers to tame his gorilla-esque body hair. He looks good, he feels good and I have not complimented him on these things. That bothers him. He is upset that I don’t initiate sex unless I am ovulating. It is not that I find him unattractive or undesirable. I do desire him, but no more now than before he lost the weight. He speaks of his former self as a “fat ass”. I never saw him that way. I never saw him as overweight. True, he has shed a whole set of spare tires in the last 6 months. I have seen this change in him, but I never really saw him as a fat person before so I guess I didn't mention how much better he looks now.

How do I see myself? As Frump Girl. You know, from My Big Fat Greek Wedding. They are having dinner on their first date and he has just realized she is the same girl he saw at the restaurant. She says that she had been going through a stage…up until now. She had been Frump Girl. He says, “I don’t remember Frump Girl, but I remember you.” Awww, I want to cry. I think this is what T means when he stares at me (which he did even when I was at my heaviest). He loves me for who I am on the inside; it has nothing to do with how I look. However, he likes the way I look too. He likes pointing me out as his wife. I think he is proud to be with me. I guess I haven’t mentioned his weight loss because his looks don’t matter to me. He is attractive, he shaves his head, has a large goatee and has the most penetrating hazel eyes that look bright green if he wears a green shirt (but he won’t, he is one of those only-wears-black type of people). I am attracted to him. So why haven’t I told him that? What the Hell is wrong with me that I would take my loving thoughtful and adoring man for granted?

I am now trying to do two things. I am trying to shed myself of my Frump Girl self-image and I am also trying to become more outgoing, at least where T is involved. I have a plan for the former, I am at a complete loss with the latter since anything that I force myself to say or do will come out phony sounding and he will think I am only doing it because he complained that I didn’t. On the other hand, practice makes perfect and maybe after a few kind words here or there or an instance of jumping his bones when he wasn’t expecting it things would start to seem more natural for both of us.

The plan for the Frump Girl eviction is working on embracing my feminine side. I grew up a tomboy. I wear jeans and T-shirts. Not those cute fitted T-shirts they have now, but regular old T-shirts, with stuff printed on them promoting various sports teams, NASCAR drivers, places we have visited or charity walks in which I have participated. Not exactly stunning attire. I wear big sloppy clothes because they hide my body. I am not a very show-offy kind of dresser. I am hoping that by buying some more form fitting clothes I will gain the confidence to appreciate the way I look now. I still have another 12-20 pounds to go, but it is a start. I also have ordered some cosmetics (from a party where the sales woman is trying to earn a pink car) and hope that by brightening up my features a bit I might see them as worthy of those second glances. You never know, it might work.

It is easy to look myself in the mirror and say that I need to raise my self-esteem. It is quite another thing to actually do it.

Friday, April 08, 2005

NEXT !!!

My boobs no longer hurt, the color on the TP is getting lighter and lighter, that pain near the right ovary is getting farther and farther between twinges and my temp yesterday morning was 97.5. Are we reading anything into this? Still want me to pee on a stick? Anyone? Anyone?

Yesterday afternoon T and I met up and went together to see my GYN, Dr. WaitnSee. T was very excited about his first trip to the gynecologist's office and was a bit disappointed he didn't get to see me naked with my feet up in the stirrups.

Maybe next time, Dear.

We filled her in on my current cycle, how I ovulated on my own (she was very proud, I could tell), the spotting, etc. We told her we have the appointment set up for T to see the urologist (Dr. JellyFinger). She gave me a referral to have a "lesion" taken off my left side. (I had it checked years ago and was told it was not cancerous and nothing to worry about but T is freaked out about it so I shall have it removed.) She said that on CD24 or 25 of my next cycle we will do an endometrial biopsy. I looked this up online and the general consensus is "ouch". So, you know, I have THAT to look forward to.

I have the lab slip and will go tomorrow to get blood drawn to check my progesterone level and also my thyroid.

We are getting a new insurance policy through that place with the loud duck. Ask about it at work! It will cover prenatal visits, hospital stay and delivery, extra $ for a C-section and best of all it will pay my salary for 12 weeks of maternity leave. Sounds good right? What's the catch Blue? Well, yeah, that's just it. We are signing up in the month of April which means I'M NOT ALLOWED TO GET PREGNANT until May 1st. This is just the type of Murphy's Law situation I have been waiting for! It HAS to work right? Because if my state of non-un-pregnant-ness is confirmed by a doctor before the month of May then we do not get the benefits! PERFECT!!!!

This morning my temp was 97.1. I had full blown brown blood spotting. I had cramps. I had low back pain. I took 800mg of ibuprofen. I am irritable.


Tuesday, April 05, 2005

If I didn't over analyze, what would I do all day?

The term cycling pretty much implies that you go in a circle. You start out in a certain direction and in the end, you find yourself right back where you began. Maybe that is our problem. Maybe if we called it something more linear sounding it would have a different ending? I’ll have to work on that.

This cycle…um, I mean this particular linear time frame of menstrual between-ness…has been somewhat odd for me. It is my first time using the monitor and so far, I like it. I have not been surprised by anything that I have seen with the exception of having peak days on CD13 and CD14. (Geez, I’ll have to change those initials too once I figure out what to call a thing I’m doing.) I say that I was surprised because I have had much trouble with OPKs and have only seen a couple positives in the past six months and I didn’t really trust those. Also, I am used to ovulating around CD17 or so (on Clomid). I do believe that I can confirm ovulation for the first time. I had two peak days followed by a rise in my temperatures. If it looks like ovulation and hurts like ovulation (pinching abdominal pain and sore boobs) then I feel safe to call it ovulation. We did what we were supposed to do three days prior, two days prior, the day of and the day after I ovulated gaining me a “High” ranking on my Intercourse Timing monitor on that friend of the fertile site.

This all seems well and good right? Right. Hold on, we’re not done yet.

Since CD15, which was the day after ovulation I have had pain on the right side of my abdomen. It feels sort of cystish. I don’t really know. I know it hurts and I believe that it is coming from the general area of my right ovary. It is sometimes a sharp pain, sometimes muted and sometimes it isn’t there at all. Very unpredictable.

In addition, since CD15 I have been having a strange sort of spotting. I have had a bit of tinting on the TP. Not spotting like before AF but just a hint of color when I wipe. Last Thursday our …um, get together…was quite vigorous and when I got up to get dressed I saw a red dribble of liquid slip down my leg and stain my sock. Can I be the first to raise my hand and say “ewwww!” I cleaned myself up and put on a panty liner just in case but that was it, no more.

I am still (CD23 now) seeing the color on the TP and feeling that pain on the right side. I have also been dealing with (What? Is this too much already?) a bit of constipation. I have been able to have a movement everyday but they are VERY difficult with much straining and labor-like breathing involved. (Push for a count of ten, take a deep breath in, tuck your knees to your chest and push again. Maybe I need 10 people in the room counting aloud and cheering me on?) These have all been followed by full on bloody TP. Not a simple tint but blood. Nothing on the undies, just the TP. (JenP, I totally thought of you with the whole -Do you know which hole the blood is coming from?- thing! It is most definitely NOT coming from my ass so don’t go there!)

My boobs hurt for a week just around ovulation but they have stopped now. I must say, I am a bit disappointed. I was hoping they would continue to hurt and this would be it. Not sure now.

How about the fact that my temps are flat? 97.9 day after day after day. I used to think this was due to the progesterone, but I'm not taking the progesterone this time and I have the SAME temps and they are the SAME every day! No, it is not a faulty battery in the thermometer, I thought that before and replaced it, still getting the SAME results.

Have you had enough? No? Not yet? OK, how about my spongy cervix? I have felt my cervix when it is firm, like the end of my nose. I have felt my cervix when it is soft and squishy. I have felt it open and closed. Concerned about the spotting I decided to check it out. Spongy. Ladies and Gentlemen I think SpongeBob Bloody Pants has moved into my vagina and has taken the place of my cervix. That little identity thief even brought along the prosthetic nabothian cyst to try to throw me off track! I could feel the firmness of the cervix beneath his lumpy sponge-like exterior. WTF? Sunday was the first day in a week that it started feeling more normal. I don’t know if that is good or bad.

Where am I going with this? Well, this linear time frame of menstrual between-ness has been quite different from any I have had before. I have never been pregnant before so I am of course wondering if those two things are enough to draw any conclusions at 9DPO. I’m guessing not.

What I hate the most is that this has all been an open invitation to Hope. I think she’s kind of like a vampire. She can only come in if you invite her. Damn! Just when you are trying hard NOT to invite her in, that is when the little tiny bit of subconscious slips up and waves her over. Not to mention the hubby is thinking that this month we actually did everything right so wouldn’t it be cool if I were pregnant so we didn’t have to go to the urologist and get that referral to the RE.

Yeah, wouldn’t that be cool?

I'll have what she's having

We visited friends in Cleveland this weekend. We left our house and it was in the 50s and clear. On the way down we drove into rain which turned into slush which ended in heavy snow. All this was accompanied by huge gusts of wind which shook the car and "helped" us change lanes...involuntarily. We were delighted to get back to Michigan and have it warm(er) and dry if not actually sunny.

Our friends have three kids ages 3, 4 and 5. They love me. They are so sweet and were so excited to see us. We took them to see the movie Robots and then they talked about it the WHOLE REST OF THE DAY!!!! The 3 year old had to go potty about 3 minutes before the end of the movie. His mom took him and I stayed with the other kids. By the time they returned the credits were rolling and so were the tears. He had a minor...scratch that, MAJOR meltdown at the fact that he missed the ending. He screamed bloody murder the entire ride home. The 4 year old was crying because we didn't scrape the ice off of her window (side window in the back of the mini-van, not necessary for driving purposes) and the 5 year old complained that his feet got wet from all the SPLASHING he had done in the huge slushy puddles in the parking lot (he failed to mention that his splashing had completely soaked both of my pant legs half way to the knees, but HIS foot was wet, major tragedy). Fun Times! My friend looked at me about ready to cry herself and said "This should be good birth control for ya." I smiled and said "Apparently I don't need any!" That got her laughing and I think she felt a bit better.

They asked us how things were going. We told them that we were getting closer and closer to medical procedures as opposed to the old fashioned way. They asked if we would do those procedures or just adopt. (Her words, not mine) I said that I didn't really want to do the procedures but that we would probably give them a try. They both asked us multiple times if we really wanted kids as their three little ones ran around the house at top speed and threw rice, carrots and crumbles of cake all over the floor.

Funny. They didn't ask us this when the kids would run up clear out of the blue, hug their legs and say "I love you!" or bring them a picture they had just drawn. They didn't ask us this when they were reading good night stories sitting on the couch, each of them with a child on their lap and another one between them. Those were the times they didn't question why we wanted to be parents. Those were the times they enjoyed what they had and were thankful for their amazing family.

NOTE: This post may appear twice, I emailed it yesterday and it has yet to show up so I am posting it directly. If I see a duplicate entry I'll remove one. Sorry about the trouble, thanks be to Blogger.