Friday, December 30, 2005
Friday, December 23, 2005
Friday, December 16, 2005
1) I have two big book ideas which my friends and family agree would make me a best selling author in no time. One is actually a series of childrens books based on a cartoon version of my dog Maggie. I have gone so far as thinking about getting my incredibly talented cousin to do the artwork but thinking is as far as it has gone so far. The other is a suspense novel based on the “true” story of a love triangle that may or may not actually be happening to some people I know. I get new material all.the.time. because it keeps going on (love, infidelity, lies and at least one death). Trouble with that is…my conscience won’t let me write it. One of the people involved is a friend who has supported me throughout TTC and is absolutely extatic now that I am expecting. It may never be written. Damn integrity gets in the way sometimes.
2) My second major in college was Comparative Religions (Shinto, Buddhism, West African traditions, Native American traditions, along with JudeoChristian traditions, etc.). I think I was searching for faith, something I could actually say I believed in. I did not find it. Basically it started out as one elective class that I loved (Japanese Religions) so I took another one and by the end I had enough credits to forgo the minor and just get the second major. If I wanted to take only 30 more credit hours (a whole ‘nother year) I would have had a second bachelors degree to go with my BS in Psychology.
Note: I am now working at a job that uses neither major and feel I am losing brain cells on a minute by minute basis.
3) I am a huge supporter of Gay Lesbian Bisexual and Transgendered Rights. Equal rights, not special rights. Gay Marriage, Gay Adoption, Equal Partner Benefits, etc. However, I do not have any family or friends in the GLBT community. How did this come about? It all started in the 8th grade when our school band went to see the symphony play downtown. In the lobby before the performance T and I were killing time around the pay phone but had no money to place a call. I called the first 800 number that popped into my head. It was the AIDS information hotline. I asked them to send me their free information package. It arrived a short time later and I read through it absolutely horrified by the disease. I was heartbroken to learn so many people had become ill and were turned away by their loved ones because of the way they lived their lives. It hurt me and angered me. It was just WRONG! I called back year after year to get updated information and swore that as an adult I would be an AIDS counselor and help those people who didn’t have the help from their families. I may still do that one day once I can go back to school for my Masters in Social Work.
4) I have never been good at telling time on a round faced clock. When I was in 4th grade I was one of those kids pulled out of normal class time to go get special tutoring in math. My problem wasn’t the addition and subtraction. I worked with a damn cardboard clock. To this day people ask me what time it is and I hum and haw a minute while I literally count by fives to figure out what damn time it is (heart pounding the whole time, anxiety level through the roof that I will get it wrong). T gave me the most beautiful gold watch for Christmas a couple years ago. It has an elegant black face with a diamond at the top … and no numbers on it. I hardly ever wear it simply for the anxiety that someone might ask me the time (I tell him I don't want anything to happen to it so I am saving it for "dress up" occasions. I have been known to just hold out my wrist so that people can look themselves.
Note: We have already decided that T will be in charge of teaching our kids math and science skills while I will focus on reading, writing and culture.
5) I think I am anti-social. No seriously. I have three best friends in this world. T is one and I have two girlfriends who unfortunately both live out of state. I have acquaintances with whom I get along quite well and enjoy spending time with, but that happens maybe once or twice a year with each. If I am out and see someone I know in a store, I do not go up and say “Hi”, I duck down another isle so as not to have to talk to the person. I did this once when I saw my own grandmother at the movie theater. Now tell me, is this normal? I am thinking not. If it were not for my job I would never leave the house. No really. If it were not for the dog I would not go outside for days at a time. I think this is why I enjoy the internet so much. It allows me interaction with people but it feels safer. I am not being judged or expected to respond immediately,no one asking me for the time, etc.
Do I have to tag 5 people? I don’t think 5 people read this blog. How about B and April.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Monday, December 12, 2005
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
"So how are you feeling?"
This is the question I am asked most these days. The answer is, I feel fine. Good actually. It is a bit strange. This is the first time in I don't know how long, I have not felt the effects of Endo. I am one of those people with Stage I Endo, not very bad, but I do feel pain from it, daily, whereas someone with Stage IV might not feel any pain. (Strange duck this disease.) I was first diagnosed after finally confessing to pain so bad I actually had to sit down in the mall while shopping with a friend. That was a full year into the pain at that level and the first time I told anyone about it, ever.
So here I am 12 years later and amazingly pregnant, no pain, no sickness, feeling a bit more energetic than I did the first couple of months (possibly due to the increase in my thyroid medication?) and still nothing to show for it. I am not showing yet (though my "skinny" pants are too small and my "fat" pants are too big), I can't feel the baby yet, I have nothing other than the absence of my usual Endo symptoms to tell me things are different. *Shrug* (Oh, and I found out yesterday that Christmas songs on the radio make me cry huge weeping sobs.)
You know what? I'll take it.
I have a sister-in-law who suffered horrible pain and chronic sickness only to discover last year that the problem was Endo. After hearing me go on and on about how awful I felt and how frightened I was I might never get pregnant she and my BIL started trying right away. She was getting a bit worried when 5 months went by and no double lines showed up, but then, just in time for Christmas last year they announced they were expecting. Not the first grandchild in the family but it would be the first boy! He was born in June. She told me a couple weeks ago that pregnancy gave her the most relief from her Endo. She felt good, she is breast feeding her now 5 month old and has suffered pain and near constant bleeding. The Endo came back right away and with a vengeance.
I do not know what to expect after birth. I do not know how long my reprieve will last. I guess I should just enjoy it now, eh? If non-endo is the biggest symptom of pregnancy I shall face, then I think I have won the mother-load jackpot. Fingers crossed that it continues.
On another topic... My visit to the endocrinologist yesterday (another endo I don't like), The Thyroid Guru. The man has no bedside manner. They don't even close the door to the exam rooms in this office since you leave all your clothes on and they really don't even want you to sit on the exam table since then they would have to change the paper again. He rarely ever looks up from the chart to actually look at you, the patient. He choked me (squeezed my neck to check the size of the thyroid gland) and had me swallow. Asked if I had experienced any nausea, dizziness or fainting. No to all three. He then started laughing aloud. Actually laughing, not fake. I was a bit surprised and must have looked it. He said I was the first healthy person he had seen all day. I took that to be a good thing. Here is the bad part. The last time I visited him, I must have been a bit behind on my fluid intake for the day since the lab tech could not get any blood out of me. Three pokes later she handed back my slip and told me to try a different lab some other time as clearly I was as dry as the Sahara Desert. This time, in order to avoid a repeat performance, I drank a bottle of Gatorade followed by a full quart of water before my appointment. I sat there in the waiting room; leg bouncing thinking how much this would help me in the end and to just hold on. I sat there in the exam room trying to read Newsweek and failing since all I could think of was "Where is the bathroom and why in the world don't they close the doors in this place?" while trying not to listen in on his other patients' consultations. I thought about how unfair it was that they weighed me with my winter coat on (I did take off my boots) and when I had such a full bladder. I also was afraid my blood pressure might be too high due to the over crowding of fluids in my system but it came in at a nice 116/60. (The nurse assured me that I did not have to push up the sleeve of my sweater but then proceeded to velcro the blood pressure cuff TO my sweater. I have a nice patch on the underside of my arm that is extra fuzzy now. GRRR!)
Anywho...I still need to go to the lab to get blood drawn for that. Hopefully I have stabilized and can continue my current dosage and won't have to go back to waste another hour of my life in that office. According to the baby centered website the kid should be producing his/her/its own thyroid by now so it might ease up on me a bit. But then again, you never know with me. I am a freak, remember?
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Friday, November 11, 2005
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Monday, November 07, 2005
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
November 2, 2005
[ Owner of Siding Company],
Please find the enclosed payment for the siding job completed on our home this fall. I wanted to take one last opportunity to express the displeasure my husband and I have found in our dealings with your company. We had calls that were not returned, evidence of non-communication throughout your organization and mistakes that caused delays beyond our control.
These delays caused us to go past the cut-off date on the pre-approval of the financing forcing us to call the financing company for approval for the third time since beginning our associations with [Siding Company]. In the time between our second approval and our third, the interest rate rose from 14% to 18%, which means we are now paying even more money for the same job. A job we were told would be done in early August and would only take three or four days to complete. It was not until the last week of October that we considered this job complete to our satisfaction. This should be considered utterly unacceptable by you and by your industry standards.
I thank you [Owner] for taking the time to discuss our grievances and attempt to come to a mutual resolution. However, I must say that even after those conversations we failed to find an improvement in the way [Siding Company] does business. It was pretty much more of the same.
The house looks great. Please do not think that we are unhappy with the craftsmanship. Our issues are strictly with the lack of communication and organization in the office and especially between our sales representative, [Sales Schmuck] with the workers on site and ourselves. It would be my recommendation that in lieu of a commission, [Sales Schmuck]attends a time management/customer service seminar. If he was truly overloaded this summer as you mentioned, then his supervisor, (you?) should have stepped in for the sake of the customers involved.
We shall specifically avoid using your company for our future home improvement needs and will be telling our friends and family to do the same. It is unfortunate in this day of technology and super-communication (email, cell phones, voice mail, etc.) that one cannot rely on good customer service when spending large dollar amounts such as this.
It is also duly noted that while there seemed to be no rush in completing the work on our home, when it came time to collect the bill, we received many more phone calls and requests for us to communicate with you. Makes one think about priorities, doesnt it?
Thank you for your time.
Monday, October 31, 2005
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Edited to add: I almost forgot, the FG mentioned almost in passing that my problem seemed to be PCOS. The PCOS is something that I have been trying to get diagnosed for years, literally since college. I now know I have the triple threat, Endo + PCOS + Hashimoto's Thyroiditis.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Monday, October 24, 2005
Friday, October 21, 2005
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Monday, October 17, 2005
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Monday, October 10, 2005
Wow, that sucks. I just typed up this whole post and was in the edit before actually posting stage when my browser closed on its own and I lost the whole thing. I hate when that happens!
On Multiples. T is convinced we are having twins. Basically a Murphy's Law sort of thing. His boss, knowing about the three mature follicles at the time of insemination has put his vote in for six! He is thinking three sets of identical twins. Yeah, thanks for that. We will find out Thursday morning I guess. (Secretly hoping for twins. Would be overjoyed with a single healthy baby too of course and would certainly not turn away triplets but if we could put in a request, it would be twins.)
On Belly Pics. I am not sure how I feel about belly pics. I have been told I will wish later that I had taken them if I do not now. I had not made my mind up about this when I was blinded by a bright light, a flash as it were, while in the shower the other day. T took it upon himself to document the moment, you know, while I was naked, wet and shaving my bits. Um, those will NOT be posted online.
On grandmothers. T's mother has made this big deal about how my BIL lives in another state so she never gets to see them and since they had a baby in June she doesn't get to see her grandson, etc. Typical nagging mother of an adult child who wants to get away from the parent stuff. So SIL and Nephew were in town last week and after a bit of nagging went over to visit MIL. Nephew has reflux and is teething so he is not a happy camper a lot. Apparently, as soon as they arrived at MIL's house Nephew began to scream. She got all flustered, said she could not see him like that and threw them out!!! Can I get a WHAT THE FUCK here? She has seen the child all of two times since his birth and he cried (as babies tend to do from time to time) and she kicked them out? Oh My God! I cannot wrap my head around it.
On Infertility Blogging vs. Pregnancy Blogging. Yeah. I am not shutting down the blog or changing the blog or moving the blog. My intro says I want two kids. If that happens in one shot (see paragraph 1 above) then great, if not, then I shall stick around until the American Dream is achieved. This blog was created out of selfish reasons and shall continue in the same manner. I do appreciate the readers I have, but darlings, you are the flies on the wall of my innermost thoughts. You shall see what I put out there, which is whatever I happen to be going through at the time. At the moment, that is a very early, very longed for pregnancy. This is as close to a *warning*/pg ment./disclaimer of personal feelings you are going to get for the next 34 weeks. Mmmmkay?
Thursday, October 06, 2005
- I have to pee like every three minutes. This is very odd for me, but then again, I have never been pregnant before so I am actually enjoying it a little. One problem, I think I have mentioned before that my Endo has a love/hate relationship with my bladder. I feel pain when my bladder is "full" and it gets worse after I empty it. So, OW!
- The AF type cramping has stopped and I now only have occasional new and different cramps/twinges. I am much happier with this arrangement.
- My head is still stuffy but the PAIN in my sinuses is killing me. I have determined that it is a head cold due to the fact that T is also sick. He is not very happy with me for sharing my germs. As is typical fashion in the House of Blue, I get a moderate case of illness which lingers over a long period of time, T gets an extreme case of same illness which comes and goes fairly quickly. I am hoping that he will be able to breathe better tonight. Neither of us slept much last night due to the fact that he couldn't inhale...like, at all.
- Tender/Tingling nipples. Hey, this is fun. Thank goodness for V.Secrets lined bras which provide support and protection for said areas. The regular sports bras however are just not cutting it on the elliptical machine at the gym. Ow, ow, ow, ow for about 30 minutes or so.
- Bloating. My skinny jeans, which I bought when I lost all this weight and were getting big on me so that I was looking forward to another shopping trip, are now a bit tight after a meal.
- I AM TIRED. This could be a combination of the cold/not sleeping thing. I had myself convinced it was OK just to veg on the couch on Tuesday night: sick, pregnant, working over-time, etc. Then I rolled my eyes at myself and got up and did the dishes. Last night however, T worked late so I vegged the entire evening (after putting the dishes in to soak) and feel so much more rested today even though I still slept like crap last night.
- I almost choked myself last night (home alone) while taking my Met. I popped the two pills in my mouth and while chugging the water I looked over the top of the bottle at the TV. I was watching old re-runs of Mad About You (LOVE that show) and the dog did something funny and I started laughing/chug/choke/laugh/choke/chug/breathe/cough/chug/choke/laugh until I finally was able to start coughing/gasp/cough/gasp and made my way to the bathroom where I was SURE I was going to lose my supper in the gagging process. (Still not pregnancy related, how stupid am I?) I managed to gain a bit more air with each gasp and finally was able to clear the water out of my lungs. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my face was bright red, my eyes were bloodshot and tears were streaming down my face. That sucked man! My eyes were still red when T got home a couple hours later. It took quite a bit of coughing to finally feel like all the water was out of my wind pipe. Looking back on it, what the dog did wasn't THAT funny, I mean, not enough to kill myself over. Happy to report I am good as new today, however I shall close my eyes whenever swallowing pills in the future.
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Friday, September 30, 2005
A good doubling. I was expecting to hear a number well
into the thousands to make me obsess over having
triplets or something (remember I had 3 mature eggs
when we did the IUI) but this seems completely
We would love to have twins and wouldnt actually mind
triplets but just the not knowing from now until I
could have a u/s would drive me crazy so I am glad
with this nice comfortable sensible number.
4weeks 2days, sounds absolutely rediculous to me!
First u/s scheduled for 10/13.
Thank you all for your kind words. I am nervous and
excited and still dont fully believe this is happening.