March for Babies

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Wha?

Sorry to keep you all in suspense but, as these things go, T had to be the first to know, you know?
 
FRED showed a light second line.  I have never seen a second line before so I wasn't quite sure what to make of it.  Sure the old adage was running through my head,  "A line is a line, no matter how light, etc." However, when you are facing that light line on the left you of course wonder to yourself whether it is actually real or not. 
 
I did some quick calculations in my now completely numb brain.  It was past the 14 days they said to wait for the trigger shot to get out of my system.  It was CD29, it should be real. 
 
I told myself not to get excited.  One part of me was jumping up and down and screaming "I'm pregnant! Holy Shit!" while the other part of me was rationally saying, "All this means is that there is enough hcg in my system to trigger a faint positive on a hpt.  Don't go overboard here."
 
I called and requested a beta.  I went to the lab, stomach full of butterflies.  The lab order was not there.  They hadn't gotten the fax from the RE's office yet.  They took my blood anyway, wished me luck and I headed back to work.  They said I should get a call by 5pm letting me know the results.
 
I waited (not so) patiently until 4pm and finally called.  I nicely asserted my NEED TO KNOW!!!!!  I ended up leaving a voice mail for one of the nurses to PLEASE (pretty please with a cherry on top) call me back with my beta results.
 
About 15 minutes later I got the call.  She took a deep breath and then paused.  It may have only been a nano-second but it was long enough for me to think "Oh God, it is negative!" and she said, "It's positive.  Congratulations!"  I made some sort of noise which I can only describe as a combination of a whimper, a sigh of relief, and a non-verbal 'What the fuck?' all in one. (I took the call at my desk in the middle of my office surrounded by co-workers to whom I must keep this secret until at least Thanksgiving if not Christmas.)
 
I am going back Friday morning for a repeat beta. (First was 279, come on baby, double!) I will also schedule a u/s in two weeks.  (Holy Shit! This one will actually be covered by insurance!)
 
So all day my head was spinning. I was looking around at the people in my office thinking about how the world is completely different and they don't even know it!  I was (and still am) completely dumbstruck that the insemination actually worked.  I never thought that I would see two lines.  I mean, I NEVER thought that I would be pregnant.  It has not sunk in yet. 
 
I am questioning and yet enjoying every painful twinge and cramp from my nether regions.  I know this is where the cautious optimism is supposed to be applied.  I know that, really, things could go wrong at any minute now and for the next two to four months given my Endo and Thyroid issues.  Miscarriage is a big concern for me. HUGE! 
 
But...
 
T was very put out by my pessimism in the getting pregnant stage and has asked me to not be such a party pooper now that we have had some good news.  I am very aware.  Please don't think that I am taking anything for granted.  But this might be my only chance to experience this type of joy so even if it makes things more difficult later, I am going to embrace this pregnancy with everything that I have for as long as I have it. 
 
Thank you all for your good wishes and your support.  I am so glad I started blogging.  It is a unique support system that I rely on every day.
 
So, happy for now.  HFN which is my first timer's way of saying NBHHY.
*Fingers Crossed*

20 comments:

Miss W said...

Oh, God, Blue -- am so very happy for you. My fingers are crossed that you won't have to experience ANY of the negatives. I want nothing but happiness and joy for you in the next nine months and beyond.

VHMPrincess said...

BLUE!!! 279 is a GREAT AND SUPER GREAT number for a 1st beta!!!! This is so exciting....

Remember - being excited now is NOT going to make it hurt more later if all goes awry, that is going to suck no matter what - so ENJOY THIS TIME! That is a great beta to start and you should be happy!

Tiff said...

Holy Crap! Wow! Congrats, sweetie!
Good luck on the second beta, I am pulling for you!

Shannan L said...

Congratulations! I am so happy for you!!!

Claudia said...

Awesome first beta! Here's to a healthy and uneventful pregnancy. Congratulations!

b said...

WOOOOOHOOOOOOO!!! I am so happy for you!!!

amanda said...

Woo hoo! Congratulations!!!

Cricket said...

I am so happy for you. All my best on Friday.

(You've become my hero. Me: endo, hypothryoid newly diagnosed and me also naively hoping new treatment = fertility)

Anonymous said...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

I wanted to say something on Monday, because my first clue was some cramping, but then I didn't want to be annoying. I am SOSOSO happy for you!

Christine
therabbitlived.typepad.com

Cynthia said...

This is so awesome. I read an article on the Internet recently that said that stress is worse for your body than a lot of other things you can do bad to it (eating bad food, drinking, smoking, etc). Stay happy, stay calm, and that's the best thing that you can do for you and your baby. Meditate, drink green tea, breathe deep. You'll be fine.

Bridget said...

Being happy will not jinx anything - enjoy each moment. Congratulations!

PJ said...

Awesome news for you Blue. 279 is a great beta. I think you have a great attitude. All of my bits are crossed that everything goes well.

Susan/holdingpattern said...

YEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Wicked Psyched for you!

Sue

Caroline said...

Blue -I am thrilled for you!! I wasn't sure what you meant by FRED failing you - I was hoping that it meant it gave you a really faint second line. Anyway - try to enjoy the moment and try not to worry too much tonight - you have days of blogging ahead of you to get out all the anxiety. Congrats again!!!!

ThreeBees said...

WOO HOO!!!!!! Blue! I am so excited for you! HOORAY!!!

Such wonderful news! Wishing you all the best and hoping that things keep doubling and this pregnancy goes perfectly!

Don't mind me -- I'll just be over here doing my happy dance. . . ;)

Anonymous said...

Congratulations Mama!

MC said...

Congratulations. Hope everything goes well.

Dee said...

Wonderful numbers! Fantastic news. I hope that this is only the beginning of your happiness for a long time to come.

Em said...

Wow! It is a trip, I'll say that much. I haven't stopped analysing and worrying but the hope is palpable.

thalia said...

Wow, congratulations on a stonkingly good beta. Hoping it continues to be so great!