March for Babies

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Coming Out of the Closet

I "came out" at work today.
 
I brought in cookies with pink and blue M&M's in them. (My boss's favorite cookies.)
 
I have gotten many hugs and congratulations.
 
The owner bought lunch for the whole office to celebrate. 
 
They are all quite happy for me as they know this did not come easily.
 
I feel like a big fat liar.  I keep thinking that I am not really pregnant.  That I must have flipped my lid and people are just playing along with me until the men with the white coats show up and haul me away to the loony bin.
 
11 weeks yesterday.
 
When will this start to feel real?
 
I went to a toy/baby store the other day and looked at bottles and pack n plays and strollers.  I walked back out just completely overwhelmed.  I can't convince myself I actually need these things.
 
I have told everyone now.  Everyone has been ecstatically happy for us.  When will I start to be ecstatic myself?  I am happy, oh so happy that this might work out. I don't live in constant dread or bothered by dbts all day.  I just feel like the whole thing is a dream and I will wake up at any minute. I am not depressed or down, just in denial or something.
 
On the moving forward front, I am down to 100mg Prometrium once per day and the constipation is easing off a bit.  Not gone all together quite yet, but getting better.  

6 comments:

ThreeBees said...

11 weeks! That's so great! I'm happy for you that you came out of the closet with the news -- just doing that might make it feel more real -- now being able to talk about it with more people. But it night take until you feel some movement for it to really settle in. That is how it was for me anyway so hang in there.

Karen said...

I know the feeling, I'm 13 weeks and it still doesn't seem real! I'm still in the closet to most people, except those close friends and family who knew I was doing IVF. Still can't decide when I'll tell people at work!

Dee said...

Hmm, when will it start to feel real? How about when the baby is finally here and in your arms? That was what did it for us. Or like threebees said, when the baby moved can make it all the more real as well (or surreal).

And before you know it, you'll be registered for all the baby stuff you need/want...take heart, I think many women (whether they went through IF or not) are overwhelmed by the contents of those baby superstores. Who would imagine that one little person could need so much stuff?

April said...

Eleven weeks already?!?!? Wow has the time flown.

So incredibly happy for you Blue.

thalia said...

11 weeks, that's a real milestone. I do hope you start to be able to enjoy this soon.

wessel said...

Well . . . I can't say when you are going to be able to relax and enjoy. It seems like some women never can (I fully expect to be one of those women!) while others relax after the first trimesters, and still others not until the point of viability, or close to delivery. It just depends on your past experiences, probably.

But whatever, enough of the amateur analysis and predictions--I just want to say that I really hope you will be able to enjoy your pregnancy at some point. It was so hard won, and if anyone deserves to have a wonderful, blissful pregnancy, it's infertiles!