T is trying. He has stepped up to comfort her while I ate dinner the past couple nights. Last night he struggled to find a good position where he could sit comfortably and she would settle down and stop fussing. (These two things are generally mutually exclusive.) He got frustrated with me for not telling him what to do, how to hold her, etc. I told him that I wanted them to find their own way. This pissed him off but he did get her to settle down and then didn't want to give her up when it was time for her bottle. Of course, he didn't want to be the one to give her the bottle either. Whatever, it is a step forward and I will take it.
I have stopped pumping. I haven't pumped since Friday. Twice over the weekend I became engorged and I put Azure to breast thinking that A) there would be plenty of milk there to keep her interested though not enough for a real feeding and B) if she refused it, I could always pump it out later. She took it. She did great! No chomping and her latch was better than I have ever seen it. If she had done this right out of the hospital I think we would have had a nursing relationship instead of a pumping/bottle feeding one. That being said. I am still ready to be done with the lactating. I will let her nurse a bit as long as she is willing and I am able. If I end up being a human pacifier that is fine too. As long as she is healthy and happy. Mentally and emotionally I am ready to "own my decision" which was T's only request. He didn't want me to look back with regret. I am happy not being slave to the pump, I know that much. Now I have to figure out how to return the Lactina and whether or not I should keep the Pump In Style at the office just in case. There have been a few moments of leakage in the past couple days and I do not want to be trapped with no means of release. (In a slightly related topic, my bra today is too small for my post-pregnancy rib cage. Ugh, I feel like I am suffocating, but I shall not go braless at the office. *wheeze, wheeze*)
In the Small World Department: My mother was at the back of the church on Sunday waiting to process in with the choir when she noticed a woman sneak in and sit near the back. She asked a fellow choir member who it was since she looked very familiar but she couldn't quite place her. She was the wife of the new man in the choir. She is a pediatric developmental specialist. OH! She was the ped we saw on Tuesday who said that Azure was right on target for 3 months adjusted and she seemed to be doing fabulously and we should just keep our eye on that reflux to see if that might be causing the apneas that seem to be alarming lately. What do you know? They are new members of my parent's church. My mom spoke to her after the service and she remembered us and said if we ever need anything, like a referral to a pulmonologist, just call. Um, YAY! It pays to know people, I tell you what. The President and CEO of the hospital where Azure was in the NICU is also an active member of my parent's church and he came down to the NICU one day to meet me and to check on how Azure was doing. That got the staff jumping! I am sure we received the best care possible even before his visit, but afterwards, knowing that he was interested in our case, I think they all just kept it in the back of their minds to keep us happy. It is almost enough to convince me to start going to church again. Ok, not really.
We see our regular pediatrician this afternoon. I am guessing we are over 10 pounds at this point. Holy Cow! She is solidly in 0-3 and 3 month clothes. I weeded out most of the newborn stuff, though she still has a few things that fit. She is still long and lean and has tiny legs. She also has a big head and a nice round belly. Amazing. A year ago this week we had our second IUI. I was convinced it wouldn't work, so much so that I got sloshed on Maker's Mark at the company golf outing that weekend. Little did I know that Azure's first drink would be Kentucky Bourbon! Oops. That week I was depressed. I was fully consumed by infertility and dreading the big IVF vs. Adoption debate since T was voting for IVF and I was all about adopting. It would have been ugly. I had no idea that one year later I would be getting ready to go to the golf outing as a fun way to "get away" from the demands of working motherhood. I shall not be getting sloshed this year, but I will have a good time and I will hug and kiss my daughter all the more before and after I go since I will not carry the depression with me this time. We have not had an easy road with our daughter but DAMN I am glad for the way things have worked out.