#1 - There are not enough hours in the day. Get up at 5:15am, pump, eat breakfast, wash dishes, get dressed, go to hospital, pump, go to work at 10:00am, pump/eat, work until 3:00pm, pump, do something constructive at home or run errands, pump, eat dinner, pump, head to the hospital, go home around 10:00pm, pump, go to bed. Somehow I am supposed to tweak this schedule so that I can extend my working hours until 5:00pm and then go to the gym before going to the hospital in the evenings. How? I ask you, how?
#2 - My heart still aches for the mother of the 23-weeker who didn't make it. It turns out that she had an emergency C-section, was let out of the hospital to go to the funeral and wound up right back in the hospital with a massive infection. The nurse said her room smelled of the infection and the woman was embarrassed by it. She has three other kids at home and I assume will not be able to rest properly in order to recover from this anytime soon. I stare at that empty bed every day and it hurts.
#3 - There was a new baby admitted yesterday. He is one bed over from Azure with an empty bed in between. No prenatal care, they don't even know the gestational age. He is very tiny and in "critical but stable" condition. He is using the oscillating ventilator that the 23-weeker used and that Azure thankfully did not need after all. I told Azure to be a good role model for him, she could be a good mentor. I hope he follows her lead.
#4 - My hands are being eaten alive by the soap in the NICU. I want to put a comforting hand on my daughter but I fear it would not be comforting but rather abrasive to her sensitive skin. For lack of a more eloquent term, this sucks.
#5 - Birth Control...go ahead and laugh, I'll wait...
Yeah, so T and I have decided that while we still want to have another child eventually it would probably be best for everyone involved if we did not try the whole insemination/pregnancy/trauma thing again. We do not want to go through a pregnancy thinking that each and every day could be the day that the shit hits the fan. We do not want to put ourselves or Azure through the stress and anxiety that would be involved. We are thinking adoption. This however brings up the ironic question of avoiding a now unwanted pregnancy. (Please read this carefully, the baby would be wanted but not the pregnancy.) Do to my utter hatred of all things hormonally BC related I am thinking diaphragm. T wants to back this up with condoms. The sponge is not a bad way to go but is expensive and requires water, etc. and I just think the diaphragm would be the better way to go. Thoughts?
#6 - My boobs hurt. Pumping has gotten really old really fast, but...the "gut priming" has commenced and is going well so far. She started out getting half a cc (cubic centimeter) every twelve hours and this has been increased to every six hours. We are slowly working our way toward nursing. There will be steps forward and back and I do not expect it to be a steady progression but we are moving in the right direction and that makes me happy.
#7 - Just because we can, my baby shower will still take place on April 1st. What better way to celebrate the premature birth of an inseminated baby than on April Fool's Day? I think it will be fun.