March for Babies

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Infertile? Not Exactly.

I have written before about feeling infertile since I was first diagnosed with Endometriosis at the age of 18.  Now that I am pregnant I feel like I have to justify my condition.  I tell people straight away that it wasn't easy and it took time and money and I was on fertility drugs for a year and it took more than one insemination.  This is usually met with "Oh! I know so-and-so who did this-and-such to have their baby!" which is supposed to show they know what we went through.
I want people to know this was a hard won fight and we appreciate it very much.  I want people to know that I put my time in.  Yes, it was "only" a year but you have to realize that I started out knowing we had issues (in triplicate apparently).  We didn't try for a year and then decide we should probably get tested.  Our very first cycle of TTC was on Clomid.  We had been off birth control for almost two years already with nothing to show for it, but I don't really count that time as "trying" since T was NOT into the TTC game and pulled out 90% of the time (not reliable birth control I know, but I guess it worked for us).  The point I am trying to make is that we hit the ground running and were extremely proactive in our TTC efforts right from the beginning.  We asked for tests and drugs and specialists much sooner than your average couple who just decides one day it was time to increase the size of their family.  I do not want this conception taken for ganted.
That being said, I want to touch on the whole Pregnant/IF identity thing.  I think I might just adopt the title of Fertility-Challenged.  I do produce eggs.  I do ovulate, just not well enough on my own.  My tubes are not blocked and my lining (with a little help from from B6) is good now.  T has sufficient numbers.  We apparently cannot conceive on our own but the help of the IUI seemed to do the trick just fine.  Thinking of fertility in terms of a disability I see this as someone who is perfectly normal in most respects but needs the help of crutches to walk.  Their legs move on their own but they need that extra something to perform their job properly.  The IUI was our crutch.  The Metformin, Femara and trigger probably helped.  I won't question that, but I think it was the whole avoiding the Vagina-of-Doom thing that got us where we are today.  We needed that crutch.  This does not make us unable, just less able. 
So, I renounce all claims on the term infertility since that is a word that I really respect and I do not want to cheapen it in any way.  Infertiles of the world I salute you.  Sub-fertiles, or those of us who are Fertility Challenged have our place in society somewhere in between the Fertiles and the IF community.  Frankly, I like the company much better in the IF world, so if you don't mind, I'll hang out a bit longer. 
I promise not to rub my belly.

2 comments:

Lala said...

Yep.

April said...

Blue, you could even get a belly rubbing exception, and I'd be o.k. with that. ;)