March for Babies

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Where my brain just all spills out in blog form.

So I am 20 weeks along today.  I am showing and wearing maternity clothes with just a smidgeon of irritation at having to hitch up the pants on occassion.  I have been getting compliments like crazy so apparently the baggy clothes worn previously because they were all I owned that "fit" were not doing much for me.
I was told last night at my knitting group that I "show" less than the woman's coworker who is only 10 weeks along.  I asked if there were any fertility treatments involved in the coworker's pregnancy and the woman agreed that there was.  I remember my first 6 weeks feeling SO bloated and constipated that I thought I might just pop at any minute.  Ugh!  I feel SO much better off the Prometrium.  *singing and dancing around the cubicles in the office*  I wish the coworker well.
My last appointment was our first to check fundal height.  Dr. WaitnSee pulled out her trusty tape measure and lined it up between pubic bone and belly button and then frowned.  She wiggled and pushed and prodded around the upper portion of my belly complaining that I was making her work for this one. Then she said I was measuring large.  I should have been measuring around 19cm to correlate to the number of weeks along.  I measured in at 23cm.  She wrote down "Measuring Large" on the orders for my ultrasound.  I would have had one anyway but now we are looking for a specific diagnosis rather than just making sure everything is good in there.  Reasons for possibly measuring large include: multiples (u/s at 6wks and 8wks proved singleton), overweight mother (well, I did have 15 more pounds to lose before I conceived), breech position (a bit early to matter at this point isn't it?), pregnancy actually being farther along than originally thought (not likely as 6wks and 8wks u/s both measured within normal limits) or developmental abnormalities.  I'm rooting for breech myself since it can be delt with, makes me not so much a fat ass and allows for the child to be sans abnormalities.
*Fingers Crossed*
Ultrasound is scheduled for Thursday afternoon.  We do plan to find out the gender and I really can't say that I am hoping for one more than the other.  T is absolutely convinced it is a girl and happy about it.  In all of the dreams I have had (none of which have been about a newborn, all toddlers sized kids) it has been a boy (except one specific dream where it was a girl but she looked JUST like my niece who was adopted from Guatemala and obviously not my daughter, besides I had just spent Christmas with the family and therefore spent time with said niece and had little girls on the brain.)  So, we'll see if T is right or not.  He usually is, his track record is outstanding.
Issues with the gym: When I go to the gym my clothes cover up most of my extra mass so I feel as though I look like I should just spend some more time in the gym. I am having a problem in that area as of late.  When I was first pronounced pregnant the doctor told me to continue my normal exercise routine.  Keep on keepin' on as it were.  Well, it is getting more difficult.  My normal routine would be 30 minutes on the elliptical, stretch, 30 minutes on the recumbant bike then lift weights.  I stopped doing the weights when I was told to stop lifting anything over 30 pounds.  I kept up everything else.  I have slowly but surely decreased my efforts on the recumbant bike since my abdomen seems to be getting in the way when my knees come up and the upright bike makes my ass hurt.  Hmm.  Now, my saving grace, the elliptical is getting painful.  I am getting what I assume to be round ligament pains while I am on there.  It is sort of like getting a stitch in one's side, when you stop the exercise, the stitch goes away and so does this pain.  It is a very pronounced warning to knock it the fuck off already!  So, what is there to do?  Walk on a treadmill?  I can do this quite comfortably and have no problem with that, but it doesn't burn as many calories or work as many muscles and it gets boring after a while.  Everyone keeps telling me to take the water aerobics class which I would, it sounds fun even except that the gym I go to is on the nicer side of town and is populated with stepford wives who don't work during the day.  The classes are held while I am at work.  What to do.  I guess I get on the treadmill.  (Why don't they hook up laptop computers so people can blog while exercising?  I think if I owned a gym it would be a cyber-gym where your internet access depended on whether or not your feet kept moving.  Think of the multi-tasking possabilities!)
To ease my treadmilling-entertainment-starved mind (ignoring the 8 televisions lined up in front of the fitness room at the gym) I have ordered several new audiobooks from the library to load onto my iPod.  One from the Narnia series called "The Horse and His Boy", one from the Harry Potter series and a Stephen King.  I also picked up a couple more randomly off the shelves and will find out whether this was a mistake or not later when I actually listen to them.
In other news, my birthday is this weekend and I really couldn't give a shit.  Normally I would be all excited wondering what I will get since T is SO good at the gift thing.  This year however, what I REALLY want is something that I need.  New slippers.  Mine are blue (duh) fuzzy ones with moons and stars that glow in the dark.  I got them for Christmas a few years ago and have literally worn through the bottoms.  The tops are still nice and warm and normal looking but the big holes in the bottoms just do not cut it.  I have a pattern to knit and then felt my own wool slippers and I plan to do that...eventually.  Last year I was bothered by my birthday, not because I was turning 30.  I really didn't care about that part.  It was the whole wanting to have a baby when I was 30 thing that was getting to me.  The whole point was to continue the legacy that my mother and grandmother started.  My mom thinks that since I conceived when I was 30 and will be 31-1/2 when I give birth that this is close enough.  It just isn't the same.  I am not saying that this child is any less wanted or that I am unappreciative in any way.  I am just saying that I did not in fact fullfil my dream of HAVING a child when I was 30 so let's just drop the whole thing. The legacy is over and it ended with me.  Like an email chain letter I didn't forward to 97 people within 5 minutes of receiving it.
ALSO, in reflecting on the one child or more question going on over at Julie's blog I must say my choice has always been 2 children.  I came to this decision long before IF ever entered my realm of reasoning, which happened when I was 18 so you know, I have wanted two kids for a long time.  I mention it in my blog description for goodness sakes.  Why you ask?  Why when it might not happen?  Why when we don't even have the one yet?  I'll tell you why.  Because I was the younger of two children and my older brother died leaving me the only child and it was a sad lonely way to grow up.  I know I have special circumstances surrounding my childhood that other single children do not have but they are mine and I shall hold onto them.  When both of my parents remarried I suddenly had two step-families.  It was NOT the Br*dy Bunch, trust me.  None of my siblings are within a decade of my age, they are all older and had their own teenage angst going on when this piddly little 7 year old came in and became the new baby of the family.  I had no one to talk to, no one to play with, no one to play games with (which still inspires me to buy solitary toys for the Toys for Tots each year) and friends will only get you so far since they have families of their own, etc.  I do not want my child to grow up that way.  My psychologist in high school told me he was an only child and didn't feel that way at all about his upbringing.  I believe that to be true (though he was a bit of a dork, a good dork, but a dork nonetheless).  He said I had a bad image of only childhood because mine wasn't supposed to be that way, it happened through tragic means so it was tainted. Maybe, I still want more than one.  If I can't conceive a second one then we will adopt.  I was ready to do it this time, I'll be ready to do it the second time.  Please don't think that I am judging those who choose to have only one child.  If that is right for your family then that is great.  I do not feel that it is right for MY family.   
I want my kids to have someone to turn to, to play with, to conspire with and to say "What the Fuck!?" to when they feel we are being unreasonable as parents.  I didn't have anyone to do those things with and I think it is the desire of every parent to want something better for their children. So, put me down for two please.

No comments: