March for Babies

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Anyone have a shrub we can borrow before the tornado gets here?

T and I decided last night that the only way to get pregnant without medical intervention is to quit our jobs, sell the house and two cars and move to a trailer park where we will have sex in the bushes out behind our trailer...or the neighbor's. You know, whichever.

Our alternative "therapy" will be for T to go into work with some sort of weapon and go on a rampage and the day he is locked up I will magically find out that I am knocked up. Then I'll take my baby to see his/her daddy in prison.

Both are good plans I think. We'll try the trailer park first. We can always hold out hope that T gets laid off this summer, right?

Our last ditch effort will be for me to become a crack whore down on Division. I already have the stained T-shirt and sweatpants. We hadn't planned on using a sperm donor but this might just work out.

I found out today that T's appointment will not be with the Fertility God of choice but rather with a urologist I've never heard of. Damn. I blame the nurse for getting my hopes up. T's appointment isn't until May 3rd. WTF?!?!?!

I am to go see my GYN next Thursday because she hasn't seen me since ... January. Not much to see, still not pregnant, what could she possibly need to see me about? I guess I'll find out next week.


Cricket said...

Oh, how I hate to admit that that shit worked for me, all but the bushes. I would recommend a holly bush, tho, so you can get a good dose of flagelation out of it, too.

wessel said...

Been thinking about the crack whore option myself. Hubby could be my pimp, so we could keep the money in the family circle. But then I wondered, even though I'd be stirring up some extra money to go toward IF treatments, wouldn't a lot of it end up going toward my crack habit? So could I really get ahead? Or would the extra income just get eaten up in the new expenses?

Oh, wait, crack whores don't think.

Yet another treatment plan that ain't all it's cracked up to be.