Words, Words, Words

Last night we talked about IVF. I told him that I wasn’t interested in IVF. To me it is such an investment of time, money and most of all hope and psychological well being that it just isn’t worth the heartbreak if it doesn't work out. It is worth it to him. With the low count it might lead to ICSI, I'm not sure. He wants to try it, so we will. My challenge will be convincing him to give me the shots. Is it physically possible to complete an IVF cycle and give myself all the required shots? He has a thing about needles. He hates them and has refused to help me in this portion. I say that if he is the one pushing the IVF he doesn’t have the right to be uncooperative.

We talked about domestic adoption. We talked about how I LOVE newborns and would really like the opportunity to care for my child as a newborn. We talked about the long wait and risk of the birthmother backing out at the last minute.

We talked about how international adoption feels pretty comfortable but he feels very strongly about sticking to Eastern European countries at this point. Later on down the road, he said he might feel more comfortable with an Asian or Guatemalan child but for now, he just isn’t there yet.

We talked about how we can discuss these things repeatedly and we may come up
with different answers each time. The most important thing we can do is to be honest with ourselves and with each other and with the doctors and eventually with the adoption agency.

I am OK with everything we talked about with the exception of the refusal to give me shots. He thinks his mother should do it since she gave his father shots during his cancer treatments. We’ll deal with this when we get to it. I would like to try IUI first, just to give it a chance. I am much more comfortable with that line of intervention at this time. (All of this is being discussed before we have even set foot in the RE's office. That might make some decisions for us right there.)

My husband got a call from a friend the other night who he hasn’t spoken to since September. My husband answered the phone with a typical “Hello” and was answered by the non-typical “So, are you pregnant yet?” Being quick on his feet, I thought he came up with the perfect answer. “You know, I peed on a test just this morning and it was negative!” I love that man.

I found out that his buddies at work no longer refer to me by name. They used to page him to the phone when I called by announcing over the intercom that The Boss was on the line. Har.Har. Now I have become The Wife Who Wants To Get Knocked Up. It’s catchy, don’t you think? They also told him if he were a real man he would have gotten the job done by now. We know they are kidding and they don’t mean to hurt us but come on, is that really necessary?

Sticks and stones may break my bones but WORDS can make my soul bleed.