I have fallen, and I can not get up. I think it is because someone has ripped the rug out from under me. The nurse called yesterday and really threw me for a loop.
The Good News:
- That “cyst” that the tech told me about on Monday was actually a dominant follicle. Is it really that hard to tell the difference? I guess so. Does that mean the pain I have been feeling is pre-O pain? For over a week? Seems strange to me. (I got a high on the monitor yesterday and today but my temp is still low it appears that I am working up to something.)
- We got our referral to the Fertility God that I’ve been wanting to see. This however comes with a twist (see The Bad News).
The Bad News:
- T’s SA came back. 17.6 mil/ml down from 47.5 mil/ml. How could this happen when he has been healthy, taking vitamins and getting stress relief from exercise?
- The referral to the Fertility God is actually for T, not me like I had originally anticipated. I assume he will work with us as a couple since it takes two to tango so to speak.
OK, to look at this in a positive light…must.force.myself.to.be.positive! I supposed we have been traveling towards a destination and I knew that the RE would be a stop along the way. I thought we would get there by going a certain direction (ie. me not responding to the Clomid) and here we are, someone has shown us a different way to get there, this path is just a bit more scary than the one I planned to take. I suppose it is just another means to the same end, I just wasn’t expecting it. I’m still in a bit of shock.
I’ve written before that I can handle knowing that my body doesn’t work properly. I’m used to that. I’m comfortable with that. T is a whole different subject. When it was just me, I felt a bit more in control. Not that I could control my Endo or Thyroid, but I understand those things and I know my body. I can feel subtle changes and have pretty good intuition about how things are going. With T, I am completely lost. I have no control!!! Have I ever mentioned that I am a control freak? What? You guessed that already? How did you know? Huh.
I am trying to think ahead to see what this means for us. IUI most likely. I have been hoping to avoid injectibles. I do not have a problem with needles, but I know that T does and will be absolutely no help in this matter. Plus, our insurance won’t cover them.
To top it off and just put a capper on the week, our dog is being a picky eater lately. This doesn’t sound like too big of a problem for most dogs but our dog has a condition where she produces too much stomach acid. If she goes for a long period of time without eating, she throws up bile. To counter act this we feed her small meals 4 times each day. 5:30am, noon, 5pm and 9:30pm. She also gets 1/2 a Tagamet pill morning and evening to help cut down on the stomach acid. She has been skipping meals this past week. She’ll sniff the food, look at us and walk away. Other times she dives right in and is looking for more. We’ve been cleaning up bile for a week now. (She does some every day and is still drinking and eliminating right on schedule so no worries about dehydration or anything) I am sure it is due to the house being in somewhat of an upheaval with the fridge, stove and entertainment center pulled out from the wall so that T could put trim down behind them. She’s just a bit out of sorts, HATES change. I’ve discussed this with people since that is what is going on in my life… outside of my uterus… and do you know what they have told me? I have had more than one person tell me that she is reacting to the stress that T and I are feeling about our infertility. It is our fault the dog is not eating. As if I didn’t have enough to worry about, now my infertility is starving my dog. Thanks, thanks a lot, that helps LOADS.
Then I think about people I know who should NOT be reproducing but just can't seem to figure out where those babies are coming from. Why is it so easy for them and not for us?
I know, I know, life isn’t fair. BLOW ME !!!
I guess I lost that positive outlook, huh?