Washing the car before your road trip will ensure driving through scattered showers on the way to your destination so that when you arrive the car is all spotty and looks like you never washed it. Duh!
To the gentleman (I assume it was a guy) who was sitting in the upper bowl at the Palace this weekend enjoying the Velvet Revolver show:
Dear Sir, it is in no way appropriate to hurl your tabacco spit cup into the crowd of unsuspecting people sitting below you thus covering my neighbor’s lap and the hair and back of the woman sitting in front of her with your menthol/mint flavored chew spit. It is disrespectful and oh yeah, gross. Please keep this in mind for future occasions where you are out in public. Thank you.
To the other guests on the second (and possibly third) floor of our hotel this weekend. I do humbly apologize if my exuberance was a bit, um, loud on Saturday afternoon. In my defense…it wasn’t my fault, that's what happens in hotels.
To the lovely people at the map/directions website. Please keep construction in mind when giving people directions in a city with which they are unfamiliar. This little oversight on your part caused our 30-minute ride back to our hotel after the concert to become an hour and a half ride back during which we suspected we might end up in either Orlando or Chicago. I cannot take I-75 if it is no longer there, the bridge, it is gone. Thank you.
To Scott (lead singer of Velvet Revolver and former lead singer of Stone Temple Pilots), I am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that your years of drug abuse may have scrambled a part of your brain but the police hat and the dancing lead my husband to ask me whether or not I had brought him to a Village People concert and the rest of the night we kept mouthing YMCA to each other. Please keep this in mind for future shows so that people might not get confused. Thanks Buddy! (Awesome job by the way!)
To the designers of the Palace of Auburn Hills. Way to go on the 3:1 ratio of Ladies Rooms to Mens Rooms causing the MEN to stand in line backing up out into foot traffic. Good One! Thumb Up!
To the manufacturers of the VR ladies hoody which I wanted to purchase but couldn’t because even the XL size would have fit my 4 year old niece and she is petite. Get a clue on your sizing, please. Thank you. I am however very happy with my standard black concert T-shirt which while “totally cool” is not the “way cool” that I suspect the ladies hoody would be…if it would actually fit over my boobs.
To the director of parking at the Palace of Auburn Hills. Man, I’ve got to hand it to you. You sure do know how to rape your customers but good! $15.00 for parking a car to go to an event for which the people have already shelled out four times that much and will pay more for food and drink inside. ($7.50 for a Sprite, are you kidding me?) I hope your bonuses are big and beefy this year so that you can afford to attend an event at your own place of business…you bastard!
To our neighbor at the hotel this weekend who was coughing and hacking up loogies all morning. Dude, seriously, go see a doctor. Your continuous opera of gurgling lung expulsions was not the soundtrack I was hoping for to accompany my Sunday Morning Vacation Sex. You need help, really.