Things to do this weekend

• Help husband and friend strip awnings and all gold aluminum siding off of house.  (New Dusty Blue Vinyl Siding will be installed by professionals sometime in the next two weeks.)
• Duck and run from bees, wasps and assorted other flying insects that live beneath above mentioned siding.
• Make several trips to Sam's Club to buy more wasp and hornet killer in the 4 pack for $10.
• Go to the gym. (I was complimented on our dedication to the gym by the membership manager yesterday.)
• Go tanning. (I am no longer a splotchy pink and white color, now I am a rich golden splotchy color.)
• Shop with husband for dress clothes to wear at wedding in Seattle next weekend.
• Figure out how to contact bf (the bride, already in Seattle but God only knows where) to get shoe sizes of other girls so I can buy shoes for the three of us.
• Knit my little heart out or I will not get my poncho finished on time to wear it in Seattle next weekend.
• Pay bills.
• FREAK OUT that the wedding in Seattle is NEXT WEEKEND!!!!!
• DRINK MYSELF SILLY AND REMIND MYSELF WE ARE NOT TRYING THIS MONTH SO THAT WE CAN GET ALL THIS SHIT OUT OF THE WAY SO WE CAN RELAX ALREADY! (While ignoring the twinges I keep feeling in the ovarian area.)

Long, slow, deep breath.

The Day at the Beach...That Wasn't.

After the long and somewhat confusing breakfast with the Elephant Clan, T and I headed to the beach at the State Park.  We had a cooler with pop and Gatorade in the car along with a sheet to sit on, two towels and TWO bottles of sun lotion.  It was a HOT day and the water was in the 70's with 4-6 foot waves.  Perfect conditions for a romp in the lake.

We couldn't turn left from Northland Dr. back onto West River due to the fact that the turn-around thing no longer exists, I assume once they are finished with construction over there the turn-around thing will be back.  So we headed up Plainfield to 96, couldn't get onto 131 from there since construction has that closed too.  We kept going up to Alpine, went across the bridge and right back down onto the highway again toward 131.  Perfect...until we hit a stand still.  The brilliant people at MDOT decided that it would be a great idea to merge three lanes of traffic into one lane...ALL AT ONCE!  By 11:30 we were still sitting on the on ramp and I told T that if he wanted to forget the beach today and just head home and watch the races (NASCAR and Formula 1) that I would understand.  Then the low fuel light came on.   

Four years later when we finally made it past the Ann/Turner and we had three lanes available again we took off and merged uneventfully onto 196.  We were off and running again.  No problem.  We stopped for gas and continued on our way.  It seemed that our major delays were over, until we were in (Dutchtown) on the main road to the park.  It appeared that everyone was interested in going 5mph below the speed limit and since the road had two lanes in each direction, this meant that cars could ride side by side...completely blocking our way.  T's blood pressure was going through the roof at this point.  All he wanted was to go jump in the lake, but he couldn't get TO the lake.  The closer we got to the park the more obstacles were in our path, these included stupid people blocking traffic while waiting for a parking spot, little girls on roller blades jutting out into traffic so as not to hit the person on the bicycle that just stopped abruptly in front of them, and the idiot trying to carry three beach chairs while riding his bike, and failing.

At long last we made it to the beach and parked the car.  T got out and reached in the back seat to grab his change of clothes and then stopped.  There was the cooler, there were the towels and sun lotion, his clothes were not there.  We determined that his swim trunks were nicely folded on the chair in the living room back at home.  We looked across the white sand at the huge whitecaps coming in and all the people in both sand and water.  We watched the wind surfer using the hefty breeze to its fullest extent and then we got back into the car and started the long journey home.

We pulled into the driveway just in time for the start of the Formula 1 race (which we had set up to tape in our absence).  T asked if we should just grab our stuff and turn around and head right back to the beach.  I thought for a moment and decided that something was trying prevent us from going to the beach that day.  I thought we could stay home, watch the races and chill out in the basement and try the beach another day. (Thinking that watching the races would make him happy.)

We unpacked the car but I kept everything together hoping that one day this week we could head over to the lakeshore after work.  We settled down in the basement to watch the NASCAR race knowing the F1 race was being taped upstairs.  It was a good race, the Rousch drivers did very well, except Kenseth but I don't care about him because he is not on my fantasy league team.  Most of my guys did well (poor Michael Waltrip, race after race he is in the wrong place at the wrong time) and Kurt Busch won, Mark Martin came in Third.   During one of the many cautions T flipped the TV over to Headline News hoping we could find out whether Lance Armstrong was able to pull off the 7th championship in the Tour de France.  He did not see anything about Lance but unfortunately he did see who won the F1 race he hadn't watched yet. (!!!!!! = @*$^#%!&^)  Let me tell you, nothing gets him angry faster than hearing the winner before he has seen the race.  Ugh!  We should have just gone back to the beach.

After the race was over he went out back to start working on the back yard while I paid some bills.  Once all the dirt was used up (15 bags worth) and half of the grass seed was down he mowed the front lawn.  He hung the new door in the garage and then found out that if it was hung level the door knob did not line up with the catch on the jam. More tinkering ensued. 

Needless to say that yesterday turned out to be one of those days that we should never have gotten out of bed.  This is why we are determined to make today better.  T gets out of work at 3:30, I am leaving at 3:00 which will get us both home around the same time.  We will then grab the items still packed from yesterday and head back to the beach for a late afternoon dip in the big lake. 

Wish us luck!!!!

This better work.

Sou Where Yaying?

My Thule of Rumb…um, I mean my Rule of Thumb is …”No knitting after the second martini”.  This rule came about after several projects went by the wayside (losing countless stitches then attempting to gain them back resulting in a nice big K shape) as I RELAXED with a drink by my side and needles in hand.  My BIL and SIL will attest to this since their “Wedding Afghan” does not fold properly into a rectanlge.  I say, “Who the fuck cares, you know you only fold it when the parents come over anyway”, which has been proven since the afghan has appeared in the majority of the new baby pictures.  *grand sweeping bow*  This has lead to many a conversation which goes like this… “Have you seen the pictures of my new nephew?  Here he is with his eyes open, see that?  I made that afghan.  Yes, thank you.  Here he is sleeping on his mother’s chest.  See, there is the afghan again.  There he is with his father, yup, my afghan again.  It must be their favorite, I made it you know.  Huh? Yes, he is cute isn’t he?”

This explains why I am sitting here (knot nitting) writing this (slowly since I have to correct every other word) instead of knitting my heart out to get my new poncho finished in time to wear at my friend’s rehearsal dinner in Seattle.   The explanation to this is tow-fodl… I mean, two-fold… 

1)      After two beers and 1 and 5/7ths gin martinis with two olives (each) and a little dirt (dirt=olive juice for the uninformed) I am feeling pretty good about life…except that part where everyone else gets a baby but me.

2)    Um… what?

3)    Oh yeah, I am loading audio books from the library (read: FREE) onto my new iPod (20GB with a cull-folor…whoops, full-color screen which can show slide shoes of my pictures as well as play my mooooooosik.)

.

.

.

 

What am I loading? 

 

Audio books!  Duh! Don’t you people listen?  Um, I mean, READ?

 

Well, yeah.

 

Anyway, so I have three books here which I have not read/listened to yet.   They are…in no particular order:

1)      Ya-Yas in Bloom by Rebecca Wells (Prequel I believe to Tiny Alters Everywhere)

2)    The Lake House by James Patterson and

3)    Morality for Beautiful Girls by Alexander McCall Smith (Author of The #1 Ladies Detective Agency which is a MUST READ)

 

Look at me…skunk as a drunk and lill stalking literature.

 

RIGHT!  … SO!

 

Did I have a point?  Probably not.  Stay tuned … in our next episode our heroine is Still NOT PREGNANT.

Now a word from our sponsors, Gin, Vermouth, Pimento Stuffed Green Olives and Glass Chilled in the Freezer!

 

*Hhhhhick*

It is in the water...and I am thirsty

There must be something in the water...

 

I have recently learned about not one, not two but 5 babies that will be born to co-workers in the next 8 months.  What the FUCK is going on around here?

 

Co-worker #1) All THREE of his grown children are expecting babies AT THE SAME TIME!!!!  October, February and March due dates.  You know, grandparents don't share pictures and stories...oh, wait, YES THEY DO!!!!!

 

Co-worker #2) When he announced his wife was expecting a couple years ago I held it together just fine until I got home that night; and then BAWLED FOR HOURS!!!!  They are now expecting #2 in February.

 

Co-worker #3) The one who has been trying his hardest to push back the TTC for YEARS while his wife has pushed to have a baby just announced she is due in February.  My reaction?  I gave the man a thumbs up.

 

So, whatever the Hell is in the water around this place better work and someone better get me a BIG OLE JUG of it right quick because I don't know how much more of this I can take... and come February...I might just have to leave the country.

Talking and Abnormality

We have talked a lot since we started trying to conceive.  Last night we talked about how difficult it might be for us to adopt domestically simply based on T's appearance.  He admits he looks different.  He has been walking the dog and come across people down the block who have crossed the street so as not to walk by him.  In my opinion he looks like a typical Harley-Biker-Dude.  He is not one, doesn't own a bike, but would like one.  The point is, people are intimidated by the way he looks and he believes the first picture a birth-mother would see in our profile would be the end of it. 

I tried to convince him that I happen to be drawn to people who look like him.  In a crowd of people I am drawn to those who look a bit rough around the edges.  Sure, I can appreciate the well-dressed-super-coifed-well-spoken-well-manicured types too.  They just aren't "my type".  He agrees this is my type but that I am also completely abnormal and who in their right mind would give a child to a guy who looks so much like this (only without the tattoos and earrings).  I tried to tell him there are people out there who would want someone like us to raise their child; free from the oppressive prejudiced social mores that come with the rich suburban white-bread sort of couple.  He doesn't believe me.

This lead into the conversation about Roberts and the Supreme Court and overturning Roe and how HORRIBLE this is all going to be and how much we hate W.  He brought up the fact that at the same time they are making it harder and harder to abort an unwanted baby they are not making it any easier for people like us to adopt them.  You would think one door closing would open up the other.  Now, no one expects them to stand on a street corner handing out babies to any infertile walking by.  Of course there must be standards, etc.  I hear more about snowfl*ke babies than I do about the hundreds, if not thousands of kids who are growing up in the foster-care system.  It just breaks my heart.

We talked a lot last night.  We didn't come up with any answers, we just went round and round the problems we see in society and agreed neither one of us understands why the system that we have works against itself.

Then I brought up the fact that he keeps doting on me.  I told him it isn't right for me to sit on the couch and drink a beer while he gets up and cleans during commercials.  I started getting up each commercial break with him to do a little here and a little there and he actually got irritated at my help.  I told him that I could tell he was treating me differently when we thought I might be pregnant from the IUI.  Then we found out I wasn't and he treated me special because I wasn't pregnant.  Now he is treating me special because we are taking a break which means I can once again enjoy a bit of alcohol so he wants to be the designated driver and he wants me to tell him when my glass is empty so he can get me another one.  He is treating me like a queen...and it makes me uncomfortable.  I told him I just want to be normal.  He reminded me that I am NOT "normal" and he has NEVER treated me "normal" because he is always going out of his way to make me feel special.

*Sigh* I just love that man.

You Go Grrl!

The Most Fantastic Stupendous Incredibly Good Vibes Going Out To Grrl, Sarah, Mr. Grrl and Little Gefilte.

My most hearty CONGRATULATIONS to the entire extended family.

How My Husband Handles the Negative

T was pretty upset that this IUI didn't work out.  Mostly because of the timing issue.  Like I said, it was supposed to be a Letrazole, U/S & Post-Coital, HCG, we-do-our-thing, Prometrium and get pregnant kind of cycle.  It turned into a Letrazole, U/S & Post-Coital, HCG, IUI next day, Premetrium, CRAMPS/PERIOD/LOTS OF ALCOHOL kind of cycle. 

T didn't like the timing, he gets two days to save up for an S/A and with the IUI the day after the PCT he thought he did not have time to replenish his resources. I do not think this was an issue since his post-wash count was 93 million or something but he keeps going back to what the nurse said at the PCT, "The motility is good but we would like to see more (meaning higher numbers)". Keep in mind that the PCT was done the day we were both sunburned beyond recognition and he admitted that in the During-Coital time he was not thinking "Whose your Daddy?" but rather "If I come, will you get off of me?" which he believes inhibited his performance, read: quantity. 

T also didn't like the fact that based on the outcome of the post-coital the doctor wanted anti-sperm antibodies tests run on both of us.  They drew my blood that day but T had to wait an entire week to return for his since they only run those tests on Tuesdays and we were there on Tuesday but he had already used up his chance for a sample that day and apparently needed his reserves for the IUI the next day.  T thinks they should have held off on the IUI until the next cycle, AFTER they knew the results of the anti-sperm antibodies tests (both came out just fine BTW).  We could have been completely wasting our time and money depending on how those tests came out. 

I told him that given the information they had at the time the IUI was our best chance to make something out of that cycle.  He grudgingly shrugged and (sort of) agreed with that.  Basically he is just angry that we went through all of this and we have nothing to show for it but my Visa bill.  I tried very hard to sound comforting and supportive of his feelings.  I told him that we are doing the IUIs to bypass the problems we have to let conception happen naturally (sperm and egg doing their thing on their own) which is still not a guarantee.  We still need the sperm to fertilize the egg which we cannot force doing what we are doing.  No matter how much money we spend on drugs or ultrasounds or IUIs we cannot MAKE the egg fertilize and given that happens we cannot MAKE the embryo implant.

I thought this all sounded quite logical and realistic and given my tone of voice very understanding.

His reply?

"I'm going to have to have sex with a hamster aren't I?

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.

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I never should have told him about that particular test.

Blow by Blow

Friday - Negative HPT. Bummed and tell T who says it is too early and he doesn't believe it. I agree to wait a week and see what happens though I know in my heart that the HPT was right.

 

Saturday - While shopping we decide to buy a case of Miller Lite for me in the hopes that having it sitting there in the fridge all inviting-like will ensure that I am actually knocked up and will not be able to enjoy them.  T says not to worry, he will gladly enjoy them in front of me even though he prefers a different brand.

 

Sunday - Notice cramp-like warmth in my lower abdomen during lunch.  TP check confirms blood.  I take 800mg Ibuprofen and call it a cycle.  I grabbed the first of what would be many Miller Lites that afternoon/evening.

 

Sunday Night/ Monday Morning - Toss and turn unable to get into a comfortable position because the cramps hurt SO BAD and would not GO AWAY!!!! 

 

Monday - Send out emails to all who knew of the IUI letting them know it did not work and then having to accept all the "I'm sorries" followed by the questions of "why didn't it work?".  Um, yeah, that happens sometimes.  I actually used the analogy, "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him fertilize the egg."  I think it worked.  I called the Fertility God's office and left a voicemail for the nurse that #1) this is CD1, #2) the IUI didn't work, #3) we are taking this next cycle off, #4) I would like to be checked for a cyst on/near my right ovary since I've had pain their for the last three months, and #5) I would like to get the results of the anti-sperm antibodies tests that both T and I had done two weeks ago.  Hopefully she'll call back this afternoon.

Just like in the original Star Wars

The big battle scene at the end where the rebels are trying to land the shots down the small shoot on the Death Star and the one sends off his shot and the guy yells "It's a hit!" and then the other guy goes "Negative, negative!  It didn't go in, just impacted on the surface."

Yeah, that's about right.

Reason #957 NOT to tell your family you are infertile.

We have been quite open about our fertility, or rather, lack thereof, with family and friends and T's coworkers.  Today I received this message from SIL married to T's older brother.

 

How are you doing?  (MIL) said you were trying to have a baby, I actually tried talking my bother into adopting out their 8th child they just had last month to you and T.  They have 7 now (1 was already adopted out),  they can't afford these children.  He lives with my parents in the top part of their home.  If you need eggs I have plenty of those lol.  Seriously if there is anything we can do, we are willing to help.

 

Um, ew, and um, um, no and um, ew.  But Thanks Anyway.

I Am So Weak, and It Still Got Me Nowhere.

So like I said, we agreed to wait until this weekend to test.  Then I got up this morning and thought on my way down the stairs that it really wasn't fair of me to keep T in suspense this long. (Thinking only of him you see, I am quite thoughtful that way, no interest in myself whatsoever.)

 

I took the dog out back and pleaded with her to hurry up and go already as I needed to do the same...quickly.  I got her back inside and let her wander off to greet T on the couch while I rushed to the bathroom.  Once seated on the pot I opened the cupboard and pulled out my handy dandy little fertility monitor and pushed the button for the day.  CD29, Low and the M was flashing in the corner meaning AF should be right around the corner.  Great, just what I expected. 

 

I then reached back into the cupboard ready to pull out my last remaining FRED from the 3 pack I bought online.  It wasn't there.  I looked in the box with the test sticks for my monitor, it wasn't there.  I looked in the box with my pantiliners and tampons, it wasn't there.  I looked in the test stick box again, still not there, I looked in the other box again, still not there. Lather.Rinse.Repeat.  ALL THE WHILE HOLDING MY URINE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD IN THIS WORLD!!!!!

 

Where the Hell did it go?  Did I use it last month?  I don't remember.  I thought about the last remaining test from the dollar store, in the box, on the shelf in the closet of the guestroom.  I would have to get up, walk down the hall, pull down the big storage box which acts as our overflow pantry for things that don't fit in the bathroom cupboard then go back to the bathroom and pee in a cup and use the dropper thingy and I had to go SO bad. 

*sigh*

 

I let it go...literally.

 

I guess I can always try again tomorrow after positively making sure there is a test within reach before I go to bed tonight.

We've Got to Keep on Movin'

So I started out dreading the 1000mg of Metformin after all the reading I've done on it.  I was sure I would become one of those women with the HEBs (Highly Explosive Bowels, not my term sorry, I'm borrowing it because it is so perfect).  I took my 500mg tablet with breakfast and dinner and expected to feel sick and be running to the bathroom all the time. I read about time released tablets and wondered if those might be better.  I wondered if 1000mg was enough considering I have seen other women on much higher doses and ...just as with the Clomid...I was not getting ANY side effects. (Yes, you can hate me if you want to.) 

Life went on as usual.  The only thing I did differently was I stopped drinking due to my fear of liver complications.  I miss drinking.  I really do.

Since I have been doing the lower-carb thing I have been in need of a bit of extra fiber in my diet.  This surprised me greatly considering the reputation of the Metformin.  I needed help.  I started taking two fiber pills with my lunch.  Met in the morning, fiber at noon and Met at night.  I was regular as clockwork.  Whoo Hoo!

Then the Fertility God bumped up my Met to 1500mg per day.  I take one in the morning and two at night.  This made me re-think the fiber pills.  After a few days of skipping the fiber pills following my successful morning trip to the ladies room I determined that the new higher dose of Met would be all I needed to keep things moving.

Then I was 1DPIUI and I spent I don't know how long in the ladies room at work trying to split myself in two.  Things were no longer moving.  I pushed, I breathed, I counted to ten.  I was laboring just like I've seen the women on TV push out a baby. (Grab your knees and curl yourself into a C.)  I thought for sure I was pushing out all of the sperm deposited by the IUI the day before.  (That would be my luck.)  I finally accomplished what I needed to do and hurried (hobbled) back to my desk to take the fiber tablets I thought were in my purse.  They were not.  I had taken them out since I hadn't been using them lately.  Damn!

Since then I have once again started taking the two fiber tablets with lunch.  I am still having trouble getting things to go smoothly in that area.  I unfortunately have wondered if this turn in events could be related to the IUI.  Could this be an early pregnancy sign?  (Yeah, at 1DPIUI. *shaking my head*)  Now I must sit back and watch to see if maybe it is related to this time of my cycle.  I usually get constipated the week before AF and then when she starts things take a HUGE turn in the opposite direction.  For now I am drinking tons of water, eating LOADS of fresh fruit and high fiber cereal.

So, here I sit, gingerly, waiting to see what next week will bring. 

It's Thursday?

How the Hell did it get to be Thursday already?  Where the Hell has the time gone?

 

Between work and home I haven't had time to think about blogging.  Oh yeah, I haven't had much time to think about the fact that I am one week through the two week wait either.  I suppose that is a good thing.  I have had no spotting and no cramping however I have had pain in the right ovarian area which I have had for the last two cycles so that doesn't tell me much.

 

People keep asking "How do you FEEL?"  I reply, "Normal".

 

My burn is healing though I itch like crazy.  I think most of the peeling is done.  T is still quite sore and itchy and peely.  His burn was worse than mine.

 

I went shopping with my friend for her wedding dress yesterday.  That was so much fun.  It brought back a lot of memories.  I should probably get my own wedding dress cleaned at some point.  I just put it back into the garment bag and have it hanging in the closet with our coats.  I could donate it to charity and actually make it useful.

 

I ordered a new iPod.  This one comes with a color screen, two lines of personalized engraving on the back and I can put pictures on it.  The model that I used to have has been obsoleted and this new one is the replacement...for the same price.  It is like getting a free upgrade. Whoo Hoo!  Only, we had to buy it out right, no insurance claim since they considered it a home owners policy claim instead of the auto.  Bastards!  Our deductible on the home owners is $250.00 plus you know our premiums would go up so to save ourselves the bullshit we are just going to take it in the ass...just like they wanted. Bastards!!!! 

 

Horrible what has happened in London.  Makes me wonder if it was due to G8 or the Olympics.  *shaking my head* They were bound to get hit eventually for following us crazy Americans in our attempt to take over the globe.

 

OK, I think we are all up to speed.  I hope to write again before...well, next Thursday.