We have talked a lot since we started trying to conceive. Last night we talked about how difficult it might be for us to adopt domestically simply based on T's appearance. He admits he looks different. He has been walking the dog and come across people down the block who have crossed the street so as not to walk by him. In my opinion he looks like a typical Harley-Biker-Dude. He is not one, doesn't own a bike, but would like one. The point is, people are intimidated by the way he looks and he believes the first picture a birth-mother would see in our profile would be the end of it.
I tried to convince him that I happen to be drawn to people who look like him. In a crowd of people I am drawn to those who look a bit rough around the edges. Sure, I can appreciate the well-dressed-super-coifed-well-spoken-well-manicured types too. They just aren't "my type". He agrees this is my type but that I am also completely abnormal and who in their right mind would give a child to a guy who looks so much like this (only without the tattoos and earrings). I tried to tell him there are people out there who would want someone like us to raise their child; free from the oppressive prejudiced social mores that come with the rich suburban white-bread sort of couple. He doesn't believe me.
This lead into the conversation about Roberts and the Supreme Court and overturning Roe and how HORRIBLE this is all going to be and how much we hate W. He brought up the fact that at the same time they are making it harder and harder to abort an unwanted baby they are not making it any easier for people like us to adopt them. You would think one door closing would open up the other. Now, no one expects them to stand on a street corner handing out babies to any infertile walking by. Of course there must be standards, etc. I hear more about snowfl*ke babies than I do about the hundreds, if not thousands of kids who are growing up in the foster-care system. It just breaks my heart.
We talked a lot last night. We didn't come up with any answers, we just went round and round the problems we see in society and agreed neither one of us understands why the system that we have works against itself.
Then I brought up the fact that he keeps doting on me. I told him it isn't right for me to sit on the couch and drink a beer while he gets up and cleans during commercials. I started getting up each commercial break with him to do a little here and a little there and he actually got irritated at my help. I told him that I could tell he was treating me differently when we thought I might be pregnant from the IUI. Then we found out I wasn't and he treated me special because I wasn't pregnant. Now he is treating me special because we are taking a break which means I can once again enjoy a bit of alcohol so he wants to be the designated driver and he wants me to tell him when my glass is empty so he can get me another one. He is treating me like a queen...and it makes me uncomfortable. I told him I just want to be normal. He reminded me that I am NOT "normal" and he has NEVER treated me "normal" because he is always going out of his way to make me feel special.
*Sigh* I just love that man.