March for Babies

Friday, February 24, 2006

One Week Old

The strangest concept in the world to me is that I have a one week old daughter.  How is that possible?  I was just getting used to the idea of being pregnant, seriously.  I never had morning sickness. I didn't start showing until January then I got BIG really FAST. I couldn't feel her moving much even though she was always quite active, most likely because of the extra fluid.  Now I am no longer pregnant.  I have lost 15 pounds so far and am wearing my regular fat pants.  This whole experience has just been so surreal.  The only evidence that the IUI worked at all is in an isolette down at the hospital.
Azure is doing well.  Her eyes opened!!!!!  She will ony peak out when all the lights are off so I can't get a picture of it but she is still spending a lot of time with the eye shades on due to the phototherapy lights.
Our biggest issue at the moment is the PDA which stands for some words that I know but I am too lazy to get the correct spelling right now so we will just stick with PDA.  The D stands for Ductus which is something we all have in utero.  It is a bypass to direct blood around the lungs since there is no oxygen exchange at that time.  After birth the pressure in the lungs changes and this bypass is supposed to close so the oxygen exchange can happen and everything works normally.  Due to the ventilator and surfactant in her lungs she still has pressure in her lungs which in turn is keeping the PDA from closing.  She is on her third round of Indocin to close the PDA.  We will find out Saturday morning if it worked or not.  If it didn't she will have to have it surgically closed.  This surgery requires moving her to a different hospital and HEART SURGERY ON MY LITTLE GIRL!!!!!  So, of course we are all hoping this last round of medicine will do the trick.  We can't keep her on the Indocin because it can cause trouble for her kidneys.  The decision will be made tomorrow morning.  *fingers crossed it closes*  Once the PDA is closed they can work on getting her off the ventilator which will allow her to get the feeding tube to her belly so she can start to get my milk.  It is a big domino effect which all stems on the PDA closing.
Comments so far that have made me say, "What the FUCK?"
"She was so good to you in coming this early so you wouldn't ruin your figure!"
"You don't look like you were ever pregnant!"
"Now you won't have stretchmarks!"
"You are so lucky, most new mothers don't get the chance to sleep through the night!"
And my personal favorite, "It must seem weird to you to come home without a baby!"
Thoughts and Prayers for Someone Else
On Sunday morning while I was sitting with Azure the nurses started scurrying around preparing a new bed.  I heard one report that there was a woman up in L&D triage who was "23 and 2, complete with a bulging bag".  My heart dropped.  I knew what that woman was going through.  I was immediatly scared and sad for her and somehow felt so lucky that I was able to hold onto Azure for that extra week.  Her little girl was in the next bed over and had much more equipment hooked up to it.  I saw her father a few times and her grandparents came down.  Wednesday morning I saw a priest visiting her.  Yesterday the bed was empty again.  I can only assume she didn't make it and it just breaks my heart.  Please keep this little girl and her family in your thoughts.  I know I will never forget her even though I never actually saw her out of respect for the family's privacy.  She had a name and she was loved.


Jen P said...

I'm really hoping the pda thingie closes off for your wee girl and you can all avoid surgeries of any kind for a lifetime!

And I can't believe people would assholish to say things like that. No, actually I can. People astound me.

Sending much love to you and your girl.

ThreeBees said...

You and your little one are always in my thoughts. I will be praying especially hard for the pda closure.

People can say the stupidest things! When in doubt people should remember to keep their mouth shut!

Karen said...

Fingers crossed that your little girl can avoid the surgery. How heartbreaking about the other little girl. NICUs can do amazing things nowadays, but every extra hour spent in the womb is so critical.

Thalia said...

I hope that azure keeps on making such splendid progress. She really is extraordinary.

suzanne said...

You are truly a lovely person. To think of someone else’s suffering in a time when you are going thru so much says a lot about your character. Your daughter is very lucky to have you for a Mama and your husband is very lucky to have you for a wife. I love what you said about the little girl having a name and being loved. It touched my heart.
About the stupid things that people say. I don’t think people deliberately say stupid things. I think they just don’t know what to say and are trying to see the “silver lining” in an otherwise horrible set of circumstances. If they aren’t just faux pas’ing, then you really know some of the most horrible people one earth. I like to think that most everyone has good intentions, it is in the execution where they mess up.
I will continue to keep your Azure in my prayers.

Cynthia said...

I've been reading your blog for quite some time and have been quite interested in your journey.

I don't know if you're religious or not, but I thought I'd let you know that when I was at church the other day, I said a rosary for your little girl and lit a candle for her. You all have been continuously in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

I also lit a candle for Azure. Fingers and all toes crossed that the pda closes...

Christine said...

I can't believe that people have said those things to you. Even knowing how stupid people can be, I'm still completely blown away.

Glad to read the update. I hope the PDA closes and she continues to make good progress!

Anonymous said...

Sending you lots of love


wessel said...

Oh no! Blue, I am so sorry. I hope that Azure will continue to just get better and stronger (it sounds like she is doing quite well under the circumstances -- go girl!)

The comments are terrible -- Oy! What are people thinking? I guess they are just uncomfortable and want to fill the silence but don't know how.

Please keep us posted. Wishing you ALL the best!

ps. that's patent ductus arteriosis