The strangest concept in the world to me is that I have a one week old daughter. How is that possible? I was just getting used to the idea of being pregnant, seriously. I never had morning sickness. I didn't start showing until January then I got BIG really FAST. I couldn't feel her moving much even though she was always quite active, most likely because of the extra fluid. Now I am no longer pregnant. I have lost 15 pounds so far and am wearing my regular fat pants. This whole experience has just been so surreal. The only evidence that the IUI worked at all is in an isolette down at the hospital.
Azure is doing well. Her eyes opened!!!!! She will ony peak out when all the lights are off so I can't get a picture of it but she is still spending a lot of time with the eye shades on due to the phototherapy lights.
Our biggest issue at the moment is the PDA which stands for some words that I know but I am too lazy to get the correct spelling right now so we will just stick with PDA. The D stands for Ductus which is something we all have in utero. It is a bypass to direct blood around the lungs since there is no oxygen exchange at that time. After birth the pressure in the lungs changes and this bypass is supposed to close so the oxygen exchange can happen and everything works normally. Due to the ventilator and surfactant in her lungs she still has pressure in her lungs which in turn is keeping the PDA from closing. She is on her third round of Indocin to close the PDA. We will find out Saturday morning if it worked or not. If it didn't she will have to have it surgically closed. This surgery requires moving her to a different hospital and HEART SURGERY ON MY LITTLE GIRL!!!!! So, of course we are all hoping this last round of medicine will do the trick. We can't keep her on the Indocin because it can cause trouble for her kidneys. The decision will be made tomorrow morning. *fingers crossed it closes* Once the PDA is closed they can work on getting her off the ventilator which will allow her to get the feeding tube to her belly so she can start to get my milk. It is a big domino effect which all stems on the PDA closing.
Comments so far that have made me say, "What the FUCK?"
"She was so good to you in coming this early so you wouldn't ruin your figure!"
"You don't look like you were ever pregnant!"
"Now you won't have stretchmarks!"
"You are so lucky, most new mothers don't get the chance to sleep through the night!"
And my personal favorite, "It must seem weird to you to come home without a baby!"
Thoughts and Prayers for Someone Else
On Sunday morning while I was sitting with Azure the nurses started scurrying around preparing a new bed. I heard one report that there was a woman up in L&D triage who was "23 and 2, complete with a bulging bag". My heart dropped. I knew what that woman was going through. I was immediatly scared and sad for her and somehow felt so lucky that I was able to hold onto Azure for that extra week. Her little girl was in the next bed over and had much more equipment hooked up to it. I saw her father a few times and her grandparents came down. Wednesday morning I saw a priest visiting her. Yesterday the bed was empty again. I can only assume she didn't make it and it just breaks my heart. Please keep this little girl and her family in your thoughts. I know I will never forget her even though I never actually saw her out of respect for the family's privacy. She had a name and she was loved.