We sat in the waiting room for several minutes. The other couple and the single woman (single as in by herself, as opposed to marital status) were called back and we were there alone. T looked at his watch and said, “11:15 must be a suggestion rather than written in stone.” It was all I could do not to laugh aloud thinking that they must be back there with a woman in the stirrups searching all the rooms for the long speculum.
We were called back and shown into the room. I stripped and got on the table while T looked at the spread on the counter. There were the typical sterile instruments still in their packages, the tube holding what could only be sperm and something he could not identify.
“Are they going to butter you up to get that thing in there?” he asked.
“What?” I said craning my neck to see what in the world he could have been talking about. There was in fact something on the cloth that looked like about a 1/4 tablespoon of stick butter with the white wrapper squashed up all around it.
“I think they are going to grease you up so they can get the catheter in you.”
“I doubt it.”
The nurse came in and had me verify T’s name and date of birth on the tube and said we had a 93 million post wash count. (Whoo Hoo!) Then she set about to getting things arranged and I laid back and put my feet up. T adjusted the sheet on my legs so that he could get a better view. He kept leaning from side to side in the chair looking at my face and then watching what she was doing.
She set in the speculum and then said “Look here T, this is her cervix! This is the part that dilates when the baby comes out.” T just about fell out of his chair. He was NOT interested in seeing my cervix. He said later, “No offense, you look much better on the outside.” I will say he kept me laughing the whole time.
NOTE: Do not attempt a big belly laugh while in the grips of a speculum. This will not only pinch like a motherfucker but you will have the fear of it popping loose and flying across the room.
I felt the catheter go in through the cervix but did not feel it in the uterus at all. I was quite pleased since I was a bit nervous after experiencing the endometrial biopsy a short while ago. This was absolutely NOTHING. The “butter” turned out to be a sponge with plastic wrapped around it so that it would act like a cork rather than a tampon. I was to wear it for 2 hours to make sure everything stayed put. The strings from this thing hung down to my knees!!!
The nurse set a little kitchen timer with a sperm as the dial (so cute) and said when it went off we could go. T came over, held my hand with one hand, and rubbed my belly with the other. He was so sweet. He stood there like that the whole time we were waiting for the little guys to go where they were supposed to go.
Walking out I laughed. If this works it will not be the day we had our first IUI. It will forever be the day that T saw my cervix. We parted ways and each headed back to work.
Last night we had a discussion about the difference between Hope, which can kick your ass, and “Good Feelings”. We decided that no matter what; we had many good feelings about the day. We fell asleep holding hands.
People, this is a far cry from “More of the Same”... and it’s about time.